


The Gravity of Giants

by komiv, Vaud



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Spectre!Kaidan, merc!Shepard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-04-16 22:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14174637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komiv/pseuds/komiv, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaud/pseuds/Vaud
Summary: Shepard is not a hero. Kaidan is not a traitor. But when a Cerberus conspiracy threatens the Alliance from within, even enemies can find enough common ground to make a stand.





	1. Part 1: Enemies

_The SSV Normandy SR-1 was once the pride of the Systems Alliance: a technological marvel of modern human and turian engineering; decades of research encompassed in a single, state of the art stealth frigate. The first of its class, it was the trial run of a new era in hybrid design, to be commanded by one of the Alliance’s best: Captain David Anderson._

_Then, on the eve of its maiden voyage, it was stolen out of dock and disappeared without a trace._

_A year and a half later, Major Kaidan Alenko, newly appointed as the first human Spectre, and the crew of the SSV Trafalgar encountered a ship bearing an uncanny resemblance to the stolen Alliance vessel while investigating rumors of geth activity in the outer Attican Traverse._

_The rumors about the geth were ultimately dismissed as unfounded._

_The rediscovery of the Normandy was not._


	2. The Enemy of My Enemy

_50%...._

The hours ticked by on the HUD inside Kaidan’s visor, a slow countdown as he watched his oxygen supply shrink lower and lower. He had sent out a distress call once the Trafalgar had disappeared, hoping to catch someone-- _anyone_ \--passing through the system, but his crew had chosen the location far too well.  
Cerberus agents. On _his ship_. How had he not seen that coming?

_43%...._

No one came out to this backwater of the galaxy these days, and that was exactly what his--what Cerberus must have been counting on when they spaced him and left him out here to die. His former lieutenant had let him put on his hardsuit first, at least, but at this rate it was just a slow death in place of a quick one.

_35%...._

He sent out another distress call and wished he was religious enough to try praying. That worked for some people, didn't it? He had tried using his biotics to buoy himself, but there wasn't much point this deep in space. The fall through the nearest planet's atmosphere would probably kill him without a shuttle, and the sharp drop the attempt caused in his oxygen levels made him abort it quickly.

_30%...._

How far did the coup go? Had they infiltrated the Citadel as well, or was it just the Alliance? Had anyone else tried to resist? Should he have gone along with it, bought himself time instead of trying to fight? The thoughts spiraled around his mind until he had to force himself to calm down.

_Slow breaths, Alenko. Make the oxygen last._

Maybe a ship would catch his signal in time.

His eyes drifted shut.

Maybe, maybe, maybe….

A buzz from his comm jolted him awake. _"This is the Normandy, reading your distress signal. You alive out there?"_

He scrambled to answer. "Y-yes," he said quickly, struggling to keep his breathing even. "This is Major Kaidan Alenko of the--" He faltered a moment, memories flashing of the recent mutiny. "I'm alive."

It wasn't until after the words had left his mouth that he realized the ship had identified themselves as the Normandy.

 _"Sounds like this is your lucky day, Major,"_ the Normandy’s pilot returned, sounding amused. _"Standby. We're nearly to your position."_

For the first time in what felt like ages, Kaidan allowed himself a deep breath and let it out with a heavy sigh of relief. Even if it had to be this particular ship out of all the galaxy…

"Thank you," he said, quietly.

Moments later, a sleek and distinctive frigate decelerated and drifted slowly toward him. As it drew close, the airlock hissed open and a short, suited up figure poked their helmeted head out, peering over at him.

"You're gonna be fine," said a new voice. Familiar.

Kaidan tried to maneuver himself towards the ship as best he could, a tired, strained smile at his lips when he recognized the speaker. "Hey, Shepard."

The figure in the airlock lifted a hand in a wave. "Save your breath, Alenko," Shepard replied, not unkindly. As the ship drifted closer, it became apparent that Kaidan wouldn't be close enough to reach the airlock on his own; Shepard pushed himself out of the airlock and straight for the drifting Alliance officer.

Despite the reassurance, Kaidan risked one more mnemonic push as he reached out to latch onto Shepard's arm. His heart pounded in his ears: relief at having been found in time. Fear that the Normandy, whose captain he had been chasing for more than year now, might decide to leave him there after all.

Then Shepard clasped Kaidan's wrist in his own hand. "Gotcha!"

The captain reached back for his tether, flexing his arm to yank them back toward his ship. In almost no time, they were climbing into the airlock, and then Shepard sealed the door and the chamber pressurized. He unlatched and pulled off his helmet, revealing his shaggy brown hair, razor-neglected face, and that damnable smirk, as he eyed his new guest.

Kaidan stumbled as the chamber pressurized, legs unsteady after floating in zero gravity for so long. He caught himself on the chamber wall, reaching up to remove his helmet with shaky hands and take several very deep breaths. Only then did he look up at the man who had saved him, swallowing a sudden wave of trepidation as his initial terror began to fade.

"I didn't think anyone would find me," he managed, voice hoarse.

"What were you doin' out there, anyway? Your crew mutiny or something?" Shepard’s tone said he was making a joke in bad taste. There was no way he could know the truth.

Was there?

Kaidan flinched, his head turning back to stare at the wall. "Yes," he said quietly, not trusting himself to speak any louder just yet. He took another deep breath. "There was a coup. Cerberus. I--" He swallowed. "I need to contact the Citadel, find out if anyone..."

He trailed off there, curling his fingers in to try and keep his hands from shaking.

Shepard shifted, planting a hand on an armored hip as he narrowed his eyes. "You're shitting me."

"It's the truth." One more deep breath. Another. He shifted slightly against the wall, trying to readjust to the artificial gravity. Then, sufficiently braced, he looked back over at the mercenary, his eyes haunted but utterly serious. "Please, Shepard. I need to contact the Council. They--they need to know what happened before it's too late."

Shepard’s face went hard, but he nodded. "Alright. You make your call. But afterwards: I have questions." He thumped a fist on the internal airlock and when it hissed open, he stepped through. "Get him to the comm room," he ordered one of his men, then ducked into the cockpit.

"Understood," Kaidan murmured, shoulders dropping slightly.

Sooner or later the adrenaline was going to stop and he would probably just about fall over, but for now he straightened up and nodded. Professional to the end.

"This way," the crewman said to Kaidan, having waited until he was ready before leading him through the navigation and command center and toward the rear of the ship.

Kaidan followed the man on autopilot, hardly paying attention to the ship around him as he tried to plan out exactly what he would say. Even once he was left alone in the comm room he found himself hesitating before punching in the code to contact the Council's private frequency.

The call was answered by a VI, but once he gave his credentials he was transferred to the Councilors themselves. Tevos, Valern, Sparatus, and Udina...Their conversation was short lived, and the aftermath found him more pale than when Shepard had first pulled him into the airlock.

In the end, he hadn't been fast enough. Not to get to the Council before Cerberus. They were all still alive, but the hours trapped the vacuum of space had cost him--cost the Alliance--dearly.  
His Spectre status wasn't revoked yet, Valern had assured him, but someone, left unnamed, had put forth compelling evidence against him.

Evidence that suggested he was compromised by Cerberus, working to subvert both the Council and the Alliance.

His claims of a coup were unfounded, according to Udina.

They would take his warning under advisement, according to Tevos.

He would do well to keep his head down until further notice, according to Sparatus. Unless he cared to turn himself in first.

He denied the allegations. They ended the call.

\--

It was some time later before Kaidan staggered to his feet and forced himself to go back out and meet whatever fate awaited him.

As it turned out, Shepard was there with arms folded and that same serious expression. "Hold up. Why don't we step back in there?" He jerked his chin at the comm room.

Kaidan froze, staring at him for several long seconds before conceding with a heavy exhale. He turned and went back into the comm room, posture tense with apprehension under his armor.

"Sit down, before you fall down," the merc said, stepping over to the comm screen and casually glancing over the diagnostics from the last call.

Fighting with every instinct shouting to stay on his feet, Kaidan dropped into the nearest chair, arms on his knees as he stared blankly at the floor. "Were you listening?"

“Would you believe me if I denied it?" Shepard asked, turning to look at the Spectre.

"Probably not." He didn't raise his head.

"I was listening," he confirmed. "This is my ship and we aren't exactly...allies."

"I know," Kaidan said, shutting his eyes for a moment. _Breathe in. Breathe out. You're fine, Alenko._

For now.

“Thank you for rescuing me despite that,” he added quietly.

"Getting spaced is fucking brutal shit. I wouldn't wish it on my enemies," Shepard said, glancing at him. "How long were you out there?"

A subtle flinch. "Two hours. Forty-seven minutes."

Shepard shook his head slightly, but kept going: "Where did your ship go? Do you have any idea?"

"I couldn't say. We were headed for Lorek after we finished checking the Amada System, but...I'd imagine plans have changed since then."

"Right, so we'll ping the EP, then. Hunt her down." He stepped over and dropped into the chair across from Kaidan. "What's the address?"

Kaidan's head lifted slightly and he eyed Shepard warily. "You want to retake the Trafalgar?"

Shepard met his eyes, expressionless. "It's full of Cerberus. I'm going to burn it down."

Kaidan inhaled sharply. "You can't--some of the crew might not have--some of the ones who fought back might still be alive!"

"Don't be stupid. Everyone on your former ship either turned coat or was executed. I'm not just leaving a frigate like that in Cerberus control. Give. Me. The. EP."

Kaidan's jaw tightened and his eyes dropped back to the floor, hands curls on his knees. For a long moment he said nothing. Then he swallowed and recited the code.

"Got that, Joker? Good, what do we have? Uh huh... Right. Go." Though Shepard could easily have spoken to his pilot where Kaidan could hear, he used his personal comm instead. A testament to the trust--or rather, the lack there of--between he and his guest.

"Cerberus will pay in spades for that little stunt, and you'll be alive to see it, what do you know.” He rose to his feet. “Now. I'm not gonna lock you up, but don't make me regret that, Alenko. You need medical attention?"

Kaidan lifted his head again, slowly. "I don't think so," he said after a moment, watching Shepard as cautiously as he might a wild varren. "I wasn't out there long enough to...start going into shock. I think. What are you going to do with me?"

"I just said I'm not locking you up. You can sit down in the cargo bay, have a nap or whatever. I'll send someone for you when we find your ship. I figure you'll wanna see it before we blow it up."

A deep breath, as Kaidan nodded his understanding. "I'd appreciate that." He pushed himself to his feet with a grimace. “.......thank you.”

"No need to thank me. You're going to make today worth my while, one way or another. I'm not in the charity business, you know." Shepard didn't wait for a response, heading out of the room. Just outside the door, he paused, glancing over his shoulder. "Down the stairs and take the elevator."

“...right.”

Kaidan waited until Shepard was long gone before making his way down to the cargo bay, avoiding the crew as best he could. Once down there, he collapsed in a corner as far from the bay door as possible, back to a wall as he settled in to wait.


	3. Kaidan Alenko And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

_"Alenko, wake up. Come up to first deck."_ Shepard's voice came through the cargo bay comm system.

There was movement in the dim cargo bay, over near the Mako. "I've got some water here, if you need a drink before you face him," came a distinctly turian voice.

Kaidan startled awake, panicking for a few seconds as he recognized Shepard's voice before he remembered where he was. How he got there. He exhaled heavily.

"On my way," he called in response to the comm, grimacing as he pushed himself to his feet. Rolling his shoulders to try and loosen them, he scanned for the source of the other voice. "Water would be...nice, actually," he ventured, finally spotting the turian across the way. "Sorry, I um. Didn't realize anyone else was down here."

"I'd be surprised if you did. You were unconscious for the last couple hours," the turian answered with surprisingly good nature. He held out a sealed bottle. "We'll get you fed after Shepard's finished with you. Sorry, I don't make a habit of messing with levo food."

Kaidan shook his head, taking the water bottle gratefully. "That's fine, this is...This is more than enough." More than he had expected. He double-checked the seal on the bottle before opening it and taking a long drink. "Thanks. I...don't think we've met?"

"Garrus Vakarian," the turian introduced himself with a nod. "You keep that. I don't share bottles with humans. No offense."

"None taken," Kaidan said, a wry smile tugging at his lips. "Kaidan Alenko. But you...probably knew that already. I should get going. But--thanks for the water."

"You'll be okay," Vakarian offered, and turned back to his work.

Kaidan didn't answer, other than to give Garrus an uncertain nod before he headed back up to the first deck. He glanced at the crew as he stepped out and looked for Shepard, any tension he had lost in rest and the brief exchange with Garrus returning with a vengeance as he prepared himself for what came next.

Shepard stood at the turian-styled command center in the aft of the CIC, looking over a map of the galaxy. The Normandy had once been the pride of the Alliance fleet, the next-gen stealth frigate, until it had been stolen away by a band of mercenaries--much to the shame of the Alliance brass.

This band of mercenaries, in fact. Oh, there had been a hunt on for some few years, but the Normandy was never recovered, nor even spotted, until the ugly clash that acquainted Kaidan with Shepard.

The merc captain glanced over his shoulder and, spotting the wary Spectre, stepped down from his platform to get Alenko's attention. "Come with me," he ordered, for it certainly wasn't a request, and headed directly up to the cockpit.  
Kaidan followed silently, only giving the rest of the CIC a brief look out of the corner of his eye before he focused his attention straight ahead. A lump caught in his throat at the view over Shepard's shoulder out the Normandy's front window

The Trafalgar.

His ship.

“She hasn't seen us, and won’t, so long as we're in her vapors," Shepard explained without preamble.

"Oh, I could fly circles around her, and I doubt she'd see us," the pilot bragged.

Shepard stepped to one side so that Kaidan could stand on his right, and watched the Spectre curiously. "Still unconvinced about her crew?"

Kaidan stopped next to him, not quite able to tear his gaze away from the ship--his ship-- ahead of them. The brief rest had at least allowed him to regain enough self control to meet Shepard's look without flinching, though, when he did manage to turn his head.

"Does it matter?" he asked quietly. "They're going to die either way."

"I just wondered how you would play it out. They spaced you. You really think you could talk things out with them?"

"I would try," Kaidan said, looking back at the Trafalgar with something of resigned resolve. "They're my crew. They deserve that much."

"And what did you deserve?" Shepard asked, arching a brow.

Kaidan's jaw tightened, and this time he didn't look away from his ship. He also didn't answer.

"Just do it, if you're going to. Or let me talk to them."

“Joker, how far was the closest comm buoy? Think we can rig up a piggyback?"

The pilot tsked, annoyed. "We'll lose our advantage," he complained.

"That wasn't what I asked."

Joker huffed. "No, yeah there's one coming up. I can do it, but..."

"Use the Edelweiss," Shepard said.

"Fine..." Joker grumbled, but he began setting up the connection.

"You were picked up by a merchant ship on its way to Omega. The Edelweiss. Their communications data will back that up. Do not give away our position." Shepard stared at Kaidan as he spoke.

"Hailing the SSV Trafalgar, this is the MSV Edelweiss. Do you read?" Joker called.

Kaidan's head snapped over towards Shepard and he stared at him in disbelief. "You--you actually--" He caught himself and nodded shakily, not having expected the mercenary captain to actually give him the chance.

_"This is the SSV Trafalgar,”_ came the reply. _"Reading you clear, Edelweiss. What can we help you with?"_

Kaidan’s hands curled at his sides, his gaze now locked on the image of the Trafalgar ahead of them.

Joker peered around the back of his seat at Kaidan, and Shepard nodded to him.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Kaidan spoke. "This is your commanding officer, Trafalgar." He listed off his name and rank, identification code so they couldn't mistake him for someone else. "What is your position?"

There was a long pause on the other end, the line silent besides a muffled _'Holy fuck he's alive'_ some distance away from the comm mic.

"SSV Trafalgar," Kaidan repeated himself, voice strained beneath his control. "I need to speak to whoever has taken command in my absence."

Shuffling muffled the line, and then another voice spoke from the other end. _".....sorry, Spectre Alenko,_ " came the response that made Kaidan stiffen where he stood. _"We're under orders to avoid contact with you until further notice. Edelweiss, be advised that Spectre Alenko is currently under investigation for crimes against the Council."_

"Well, that's awkward," Joker said.

Shepard's eyes were locked on Kaidan.

Kaidan gripped the back of Joker's chair, leaning forward to speak to the comm. "Marnet, just listen to me--" he started to say, but the other speaker cut him off.

_"Exercise caution, Edelweiss. Trafalgar out."_

For a moment, Kaidan almost stopped breathing as the comm line went dead.  
Joker performed a keystoke. "We're clear."

"Well?" Shepard demanded.

Kaidan didn't move, other than to tighten his grip on the back of Joker's chair. Slowly though, the set of his jaw loosened as realization of what this meant set in. Desperation, anger, horror--then, finally, grief as his shoulders slumped and he made himself step back, shaky control sliding back over his face. If not for his gloves, his nails would have been digging into the skin of his palms.  
"I had to try," he said quietly, lifting his head to take one last look at the Trafalgar through the window.

"Smoke 'em, Joker," Shepard said dispassionately, his eyes shifting forward to the commandeered vessel.

"Yessir," the pilot said, and fired on the Trafalgar, relentlessly, as they surely had shields up.

The Trafalgar reacted with admirable speed to the sudden attack, but with the Normandy as close as they were, and the Trafalgar missing half her crew, the end was inevitably quick.

Kaidan kept his eyes straight ahead, though it was impossible to hide the flinch that shook him as the ship was destroyed.

"Cerberus," Shepard reminded him, "did this to your ship."

"What's your point?" Kaidan asked through clenched teeth, eyes fixed on the burning debris.

"How many others did they infiltrate, do you think?"

"Are you planning on destroying them all?" Kaidan turned his head then to face Shepard, a surge of unexpressed emotion roiling beneath the surface of his fraying control. "The entire Alliance?"

"Not the Alliance," Shepard said, meeting his eyes with a stony expression. "Cerberus."

"Cerberus just took over at least half the Alliance. Do you even see any difference between them now?"

"Yeah," he answered, eyes narrowing. "I do."

"And what is it you're planning on doing, then?"

"We'll discuss that later. You should get some food. Second deck." Shepard looked back out at the debris field. It was an obvious dismissal.

For a moment, it looked as though Kaidan was going to argue, but something--maybe Shepard's utter dismissal, maybe the physical and emotional exhaustion toll of the past several hours finally catching up with him--made him back down. He gave the wreckage of the Trafalgar one final look before he turned and left the cockpit to find the mess.

He didn't feel like eating, though he knew he needed to. He didn't feel like doing much of anything, except maybe letting what little energy he had left in a biotic explosion at the nearest solid object, but he tamped down on that particular urge in favor of self-preservation.

If he still moved more on autopilot than conscious thought as he got a tray of food and took a seat in a corner of the mess, at least he was doing something. And, at least for the present, that gave him something to focus on other than every way things had go so utterly wrong in so short a time.

\--

A quarian woman crossed the mess, heading for a storage compartment near the ship's main battery. She pulled it open and retrieved some battered metalwork tools, including an arc-cutter. Gathering it all up in her arms, she headed back across the mess toward the elevator, when over the intercom, Joker's voice rang out.

_"You gonna spacewalk or what? Shepard wants us finished up and out of the system, preferably before anyone else comes sniffing around."_

"If he's in that much of a hurry, he can do the salvage himself!" She replied, clearly annoyed.  
 _"You want me to pass that along, or...?"_

"That had better be another example your bad attempts at humor," she retorted, clearly in no mood for it. Then, she looked at Kaidan. "Hey. New guy. Help me with this, will you?" She nodded to her armload of gear.

Still not quite over the numbness that had settled in in the wake of the Trafalgar's destruction, Kaidan almost didn't realize she was talking to him. His head jerked up and his eyes flicked between her and the tools. He tried to push aside the sudden rush of apprehension as he got to his feet, approaching her with some caution. "What are you doing?"

"Salvage," she replied, watching him from inside her mask. "That was your ship, right?"

"....yeah," he managed faintly. "It was. What do you need help with?"

She nodded down to her armload. "Grab the arc blade, would you? I can't let it puncture my suit. I heard you were outside for a while. Guess that means you probably aren't up for joining me on the tether, huh?"

He reached to take the arc blade, his grip tightening on it with a concealed flash of anxiety at her question. "I'd prefer not to, no," he said carefully.

"Thanks. Listen, I'm sorry about your ship." She led the way toward the elevator and waited for him to step in with her before activating it. "I'm Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, but everyone calls me Tali. I'll let you have first pick from the salvage, alright?"

"...thanks," he said slowly, stepping into the elevator next to her. The only member of the Normandy's crew he had any real familiarity with was Shepard himself, who was hardly a reassuring measure to go by. "So you, um. You do this a lot, then?"

"What? Salvage?" She turned to look at him. "Yeah it's kind of my thing. Well, I'm the ship's machinist. But I also have the best eye for salvage, so..."

"Oh." He coughed awkwardly and looked away. "Right, that. Right. Are you going to actually...need help? Out there?"

"I don't need help, but it's nice all the same. I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. No one else ever agrees either though, so don't feel bad." The lift doors slid open and she stepped out into the cargo bay.

"Tali, you're looking lovely as always. Is that a new filtration unit?" Garrus called to her with a grin, then nodded affably to Kaidan.

"It is," she confirmed, crossing to the line of lockers along the wall where Kaidan had slept earlier. She deposited her tools on a workbench and opened up her locker, taking out an apparatus designed to connect to her breather filter. She fastened it into place, then took out an oddly lightweight looking suit that she stepped into and zipped up. Then she belted on a heavy tool belt. And extended a hand to Kaidan, for the blade.

Kaidan followed her down, standing a few feet away while she got her gear in order and returning Garrus' nod of greeting hesitantly. He handed her the arc-blade when she reached for it, only then letting his attention wander to take a better look at the cargo bay now that his head was at least a little clearer than earlier.  
"Do you need help with anything else?" he asked her after a moment.

"Probably when I get back," she said to him, hooking the rest of her tools to cords on her belt. "That stuff is a lot heavier once it's out of zero g." She said it with a hint of amusement in her tone as she fastened heavy gloves on. "Alright. See you later!" She tromped to an airlock beside the bay doors and passed inside. There was a hiss as the airlock sealed.

"So...how you holding up?" Garrus asked with a casual glance over at him.

Kaidan slumped back against the wall, arms crossed close to his chest. "Do you really want to know?" he asked back, raising an eyebrow at the turian.

Garrus looked at him for a moment, then turned back to his work. "I guess it was a dumb thing to ask..."

Kaidan’s lips twitched humorlessly and he dropped his gaze, examining the Mako for the sake of distraction. "I'm alive," he murmured. "Could always be worse."

"That...is true," Garrus answered, glancing at him again.

"What is it you do around here? Tali mentioned she was the ship's machinist?"

"I’m...well. I guess I'm the equivalent of the ship's weapons officer. I'm also on the ground team. I’m something of a sharpshooter, see."

"Sharpshooter," Kaidan repeated, casting a curious look around the cargo bay. He caught sight of a particularly well cared for rifle and eyed Garrus. "You're a sniper?"

"When the situation calls for it," he answered.

"I see," Kaidan said, falling into a thoughtful silence for a while as he took stock of the rest of the cargo bay. Of the weapons in particular, which he could tell even from a distance that several of were probably not Alliance or Council approved.

Mercenaries. Right.

"Have you been on the Normandy for very long?" he ventured after a while, still testing the waters.

"A couple years," Garrus replied, glancing his way. "I uh...was there for the ah...your last encounter with our crew."

Kaidan winced at the memory and averted his gaze. They'd won the engagement and all but forced Shepard's crew to land, but the Normandy had still managed to escape. Tied up dealing with the rest of the aftermath, the Trafalgar hadn't been able to pursue.

"Yeah, um, that....didn't go quite as planned," he muttered.

"When does it ever?" Garrus mused.

"Anyway, you were doing your job and we were doing ours. And unlike some, I'm not holding a grudge. It wasn't personal."

"Does that 'some' include Shepard by any chance?" Kaidan asked with a wry expression, glancing up in the direction of the command deck.

Garrus cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah. It does. But you knew that."

"Yeah," Kaidan sighed. He pulled off a glove and rubbed his face. "Yeah, I do. You...know him better than I do. How long do you think he's going to leave me in the dark before I find out what he’s got planned?"

"He's still deciding what to do with you," Garrus said. "But once he has, I doubt you'll have to wait long."

"I guess that's good to know," he muttered into his hand. "Thanks. I don't suppose there's anything you need help with? Since I'm down here anyway."  
Just keep busy, he told himself. Less chance of thinking about things too much, that way.

"I'm actually calibrating the ship's main gun. It's a touchy thing, you know? After she fires, the old girl gets a bit loose." But he seemed to reconsider after a moment, perhaps sensing Kaidan's need for something to do. "You know anything about ground vehicle suspension systems?"

"A thing or two, sure," Kaidan said, taking a few steps over and glancing at the Mako. "There something wrong with this thing?"

"Shepard jumped it off a cliff..."

"You're kidding." Kaidan stared at him before crouching down to take a look at the Mako's suspension. "Why??"

Garrus sighed, turning to look at the vehicle. "He didn't want to waste the time driving the switchback. The Mako is meant to take a beating; we use it in drop-deployment. But ah... This time was different, somehow."

"Yeah, I can see that," Kaidan said, voice muffled as he poked at the underbelly of the vehicle. "Looks like something shot up in here, kicked it out of alignment. The Alliance has been talking about retiring these things for years now..." He trailed off, seeming to remember where he was, and continued poking around in silence.

"According to Shepard, he didn't pop the thrusters, so they took the landing a little hard," Garrus sounded a bit dubious.

There was some shuffling, and a faint light shone as Kaidan tried to get a better look at the suspension in the dim lighting. "Well, if you're gonna go jumping off cliffs in it...." came the muffled reply. "Doesn't look too bad, though. You probably just need to knock the bar here back into place. Looks like it might need more leverage than I could manage without biotics, though. Or a krogan."

"Wrex, we need you in the cargo bay," Shepard said, presumably into his comm, from somewhere to the rear of the Mako. His boots stepped around to the side of the vehicle and he ducked down to peer at Kaidan under there. "I told you I didn't jack it permanently, Vakarian."

Garrus grunted noncommitally, but otherwise offered no comment.

Kaidan’s eyes widened at the sound of Shepard's voice and he jerked his head up instinctively, hissing in pain when his head collided with the bar he had just been talking about. Rubbing his temple with a grimace, he carefully pulled himself out from under the vehicle.  
"I was just taking a look," he began, not sure how well the mercenary would take him poking around.

"Good," Shepard said, meeting his eyes. "You can show Wrex what to do when he gets here. No one else seems to know what they're doing with her." He straightened and laid a hand on the Mako's side panel.

Kaidan nodded slowly, pushing himself up to his feet without looking away. That sense of facing off with a wild varren hadn't completely faded just yet. "This model is a little finicky sometimes. They're usually pretty sturdy, though."

"That's why I like it," Shepard said, unblinking.

Garrus gently cleared his throat. "Tali's coming back."

Kaidan’s attention flicked over towards the cargo bay door, but with Shepard present he didn't move from where he stood against the Mako.

"Already?" Shepard sounded skeptical, his own gaze shifting to the airlock. "She say if she needs the bay door?"

"She does," Garrus confirmed.

Shepard exhaled a soft sigh. "Alright. Let's go." His eyes flicked to Kaidan, and then Garrus.

_"Clear cargo bay,"_ Garrus called over the shipwide intercom. He casually reached over and grabbed a turian-styled helm, putting it on and locking it into place.  
Shepard turned and strode toward the Engine Room.

Kaidan hesitated a moment, then quickly followed after Shepard.

They passed through the door and it hissed closed, then auto-locked. _"Cargo Bay depressurization in 5,"_ Garrus reported.

"Hello, Captain," the engineer greeted with a glance over one shoulder, and then a second to peer at Kaidan, curiously.

"All good?" Shepard asked.

"It is," the engineer confirmed, glancing at Kaidan again, then turning back to his work.

Shepard folded his arms, eyes shifting over the massive drive core. Kaidan stood next to him stiffly, sparing a glance at the engineer before fixing his eyes ahead.

"I'm not going to kill you," Shepard said quietly, clearly for his ears alone.

Tensing, Kaidan replied with an equally quiet, "What are you going to do then? Don't play games with me, Shepard."

Shepard shifted his stare back onto Kaidan. "I'm going to work you. That bullshit on Virmire cost me more that you can imagine. And I intend to get back what I can." His voice was quiet and cold.

Kaidan stilled, his eyes narrowing slightly as they shifted towards Shepard. "Work me. You...what? Expect me to join your crew?"

Shepard's eyes went back to the drive core. "You wish. You're getting the shit work. And the technical shit your training accommodates. You're going to give me intel and access codes to locate and infiltrate those compromised ships. And if you don't piss me off, I'll let you be there when we interrogate Cerberus agents."

"I won't betray the Alliance," Kaidan said through his teeth. The rest he could deal with if he had to, but that had to be said. "I don't care what you do. I'm not a traitor."

"You're an idiot. I'm not interested in the Alliance. You think yours was the only ship Cerberus took?"

"I know it wasn't." Kaidan shut his eyes briefly. "But they're not...You know they're still running Alliance colors. I help you take them out and they won't need to fabricate evidence against me. Not if no one believes they're really Cerberus."

"This is why you were floating in space instead of quietly working to take back your ship," Shepard shook his head. "Clinging to your pristine morals while terrorists take apart your precious Alliance..."

"You think I don't know I made the wrong choice? I'm not you, Shepard. I can't be. I'm an Alliance officer, the First Human Spectre....." Kaidan stared down at the engine core. He'd had too long a time out there to think through everything that he could have done differently. The choices he'd made. "What do you care, anyway? Cerberus or the Alliance. You hate us both."

Without any warning at all, Shepard threw a punch at Kaidan's face.

Kaidan caught sight of the movement out of the corner of his eye and ducked, although the punch still caught the side of his head. He stumbled back and swiveled to face him, biotics flaring for a second before he tamped his control back down. "What the hell?!"

Shepard stepped forward, thumping Kaidan's breastplate with his other fist. "You. Know. Nothing. About. Me." He said, eyes wide and wild, but his voice was still that same cold, hard, quiet tone.

Kaidan stared at him, motionless but tensed for another attack. "Maybe I don't," he said cautiously. "That doesn't change the question, though. Making me work for you, I get. But why bother going after all those ships? Just to keep Cerberus from using them? It's hard to imagine you're doing it to help the Alliance."

"Cerberus...You have to see the threat they pose. Letting them take all those ships is--it’s insane. Do you have any idea what Cerberus will do with substantial control of the Alliance?" Shepard didn't back off, but he seemed to be shifting gears from violence to heated discussion.

"Of course I get that," Kaidan gritted back. "Why do you think I was trying to warn the Council?"

"Why do you think I let you?"

"I can't do anything if they get away with accusing me of treason. And that's exactly what will happen if I give you those codes. I should be trying to clear my name, not--" He bit off the rest of the sentence, helpless frustration mounting. Not getting trapped here on the Normandy.

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "So Cerberus is staging the biggest coup in the history of mankind, and you're worried about your good name. Maybe I should have left you out there."

_"Cargo Bay repressurized!"_ Garrus called out.

Shepard turned away and stalked back out of the engine room.

\--

Kaidan didn't move, frozen by those parting words. His choices, his morals that had gotten him so far after BAaT--they had almost gotten him killed once already. Had gotten his crew killed for certain, whether by Cerberus or Shepard's order.

And now....

His heart pounded. Go along with Shepard now and who knew where that might lead, helping a man with every reason to ruin him. But--

Even that thought felt selfish, now. The Alliance was under attack just as surely now as it had been during the First Contact war, only this time no one would see the threat before it was too late.  
He had always thought that being a soldier, serving the Alliance, meant following orders. Sticking to regulations, doing what was right the right way, even if it was hard. But as things were now, there was no way he could help anyone from within a system already set against him. Already all but convinced he was the same enemy he was trying to fight against.

The beginnings of a migraine stabbed at his temples and he had to reach out and catch himself on the railing.

He couldn't do it. It was all but throwing his life away. It was throwing his career away, even if it was to protect the same people he had sworn to serve, first as an Alliance officer and then again as a Spectre.

The Council had always said they didn't care about Specters' methods so long as the job got done. But the Alliance...  
He couldn't, but he had to, if he wanted any chance at keeping Cerberus from winning.

He gripped the railing tightly, swallowing a surge of nausea. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he forced down all the objections still clamoring for attention in his head and walked back out to face Shepard.

In the cargo bay, Tali was bent over several sizable pieces of salvage, one very large and almost recognizable piece among them: the core computing systems for the Trafalgar, mostly intact.  
"..extract all kinds of data," the quarian was saying, fingers flying over her omnitool.

“Good. Let me know what you find," Shepard said, standing with his back to Kaidan, hands curled in fists at his sides.

"I could make another run," she began, glancing at the captain and spying Kaidan behind him. "There's more worth saving. Come on, Shepard. Just give me an hour."

"You can have half that." He turned, swerving around Kaidan and headed for the elevator.

"Shepard, wait." Kaidan stayed where he was, not risking reaching to grab the mercenary and bracing himself for retaliation all the same.

Shepard paused, turning his head just enough to catch the Spectre in his peripherals.

Kaidan kept his head up, visibly tense but resolute nonetheless. "I'll give you what you want," he heard himself say, head still swimming with every reason he shouldn't be doing this even as the words left his mouth. "You're right. Taking down Cerberus--that's more important than anything right now."

Shepard turned just a bit more, met his eyes, then nodded. "I'll find you later." Then he moved to the elevator and nearly ran into a large krogan who was stepping off.

“You needed me, Shepard?" The brute rumbled.

"Give Alenko a hand with the Mako," Shepard said, and stepped past him into the lift.

"Headed back out!" Tali called, disappeared into the airlock again.

"Hey, both of you," Garrus said, walking over. "Give me a hand in securing this stuff, so we don't lose it when she comes back with more?"

Slightly dazed, Kaidan looked over at what Garrus was doing. The sight of the Trafalgar salvage made him stop again before he shook himself back into motion. He headed over to help, only glancing at the turian himself to ask, "Where do you want it?"

"You--" Garrus blinked. "You were just going to move it?" He asked incredulously. "Do you have any idea how much this stuff weighs?"

Kaidan just held up a hand and let his biotics flicker briefly. "As long as you don't expect me to go tossing it around...I think I can manage."

Garrus straightened. "Oh. Right. Of course."

"Just tell us where it's going," Wrex grumbled, stepping forward. His powerful, muscular frame rippled with the same flickering biotic blue.

"Ah...how about over there." Garrus pointed. "You guys get it to that wall, and I’ll secure it with nets."

Kaidan glanced at the krogan in surprise, then just nodded and reached out to take hold of part of the salvage, working slowly to time his efforts with Wrex's. He murmured an assent to Garrus, then focused his attention solely on the task at hand.

Between the two of them, it didn't take long to get Tali's salvage shifted to the side of the bay, and Garrus set to work on securing the pieces immediately.

"So," Wrex addressed Kaidan, "Shepard finally found us a mechanic. What do you need me for?"

"I'm not really a..." Kaidan started to say, then just trailed off into a sigh and motioned for the krogan to follow him over to the Mako. He crouched down, motioning under the vehicle to where the problem was. "There's a bar under here that got knocked out of place last time you were out. Looks like it got wedged up there, so it just needs to be yanked back where it belongs."

Wrex chuckled. "Better point it out to me, pyjak, or I might rip an axel off." He laughed again, apparently finding himself hilarious.

Across the bay, Garrus shook his head.

Kaidan sighed heavily and ducked down underneath, turning on his omnitool light to illuminate the parts he was talking about it. "Down here. See where this bar is wedged up in the undercarriage? It's supposed to fit...here." He moved the light, indicating another part of the suspension.

Wrex reached out, gripping the bar, and with a quick jerk and a grunt of effort, he yanked it back down into place. "Alright. Now what?"

Kaidan took another look, squinting at the rest of the undercarriage. "I don't see anything else out of place up in here, so that should be it. I'd say give it a test run to see if that fixed it, but..." He pulled his head back out and eyed the cargo bay door. "That's probably going to have to wait until the next stop planetside."

Wrex chuckled darkly. "Not ready to take another trip into the void?"

Kaidan gritted his teeth and crouched down to run one more check. "Not really, no."

The krogan uttered another nasty laugh and crawled out from under the Mako.  
Kaidan lingered under the vehicle for a few moments longer, enough for Wrex to step away, before shutting off his light and getting out from beneath the undercarriage. "I wouldn't go dropping it off any more cliffs, but it should run fine from what I can see."

"Boring," Wrex intoned as he stomped away.

"Hey uh…Tali's coming back, “ Garrus said. “You might wanna leave, or get a helmet on if you're sticking around."

Kaidan's eyes flicked over to the elevator, then to Garrus. "....do you think you'll need more help getting things secured?"

Garrus looked at him. "Shepard won't be in the mess, if you're looking for a safe place. Or you could lock yourself in the head if you're that worried about it."

"I'm not--" Kaidan started to deny, but faltered. Garrus had probably seen more than enough of his interactions with Shepard to fill in the blanks. "I'll be fine," he said instead, stalking over to retrieve his helmet and pulling it on. He tried to ignore the way his hands shook as he did it.

Garrus didn't reply, instead saying, "I've got a couple tethers over here. We'll secure you, and then I'll open it up." Then, over the intercom "Clear cargo bay."

Kaidan crossed over to where Garrus stood, avoiding looking at him in favor of hooking himself up to one of the tethers. "Tether secure," he said dully.

_"Depressurizing cargo bay in five."_ Garrus announced over the intercom, and then, to Kaidan-- "Four, three, two, one." He flipped a switch, touched a button, and the air hissed out of the room. The bay door opened, slowly.

Kaidan pushed himself back against the wall, gripping a bar set into the wall as the bay door opened. Breathe in. Breathe out. You're fine, Alenko. Already regretting his decision to stay, he couldn't quite bring himself to look at the open door as Tali came back in, either.

She drifted in gracefully with easily a kiloton of salvage in tow, waving at first Garrus, and then the new guy, who-- _"Hey! New guy!"_ She called though her comm. _"You okay?"_

"I'm fine," he called through clenched teeth. Taking a very deep breath, he carefully lifted his head, eyes locking involuntarily on the vast expanse of the vacuum behind her. He tore his gaze away with some great effort, looking to see what else she had retrieved this time.

Her impressive salvage included a piece of one of the Trafalgar's main guns, a dinged up fusion torch from one of the thrusters, and, of all things, an intact escape pod. Once she had everything inside, Garrus closed the bay door back up. There was a hiss as air pressure flooded into the bay.

_"Cargo Bay repressurized."_

Kaidan slumped back against the wall, relinquishing his grip on the bar. He waited until Garrus removed his helmet to remove his own, only then moving over to take a closer look. "You got all of this on your own?"

"What can I say?" Tali chirruped perkily. "This really is my thing."

"She's just being modest," Garrus said, moving over to inspect the escape pod.

"What do you think, new guy? See anything you like?"

Kaidan’s eyes drifted over to the salvaged computer systems with a resigned expression--Shepard would probably know if he tried tampering with anything there--and shook his head. "No, it's...it's fine. I appreciate it, though. There's no one in the escape pod, is there?" He climbed around to take a look through the window.

"Actually..." Tali began.

A face appeared in the window, staring out at Kaidan.


	4. Actually...

_ “There's no one in the escape pod, is there?" Kaidan climbed around to take a look through the window. _

_ "Actually..." Tali began. _

_ A face appeared in the window, staring out at Kaidan. _

_ \-- _

"I haven't actually...technically...reported this to Shepard yet. Because I didn't...notice they were in there." Tali gave Kaidan a look that he probably couldn't see through her mask.

"Sounds reasonable to me," Garrus put in.

Kaidan's eyes went wide and he stumbled backwards, tripping over something to fall on his ass. He stared incredulously, expression caught halfway between hope and utter disbelief, at the face staring back at him. "Y-you--" He swallowed thickly and pushed himself to his feet, breath caught in his throat as he made his way over and fumbled with the outer releases on the pod door. 

"Just hold off a little longer,” he said shakily. “That's all I ask." 

The door swung open with a hiss, revealing the two inside wearing Alliance Ensign uniforms. One of them, a young woman with dark red hair cropped short, levelled a pistol at him uncertainly. "....Major Alenko?"

"I to-told you he was alive!" the other Ensign said breathlessly. He was a young man with dark, buzzed hair and dark eyes that skittered around them. "I heard them say..." He licked his lips.

Garrus very casually, and very quickly, circled around to where his rifle hung from a hook on the wall. He collected it just as casually and moved around behind the Mako and toward the elevator. Just in case. 

Tali, who still stood to the side, watched Kaidan. "Friend or foe?" She asked of him, rather than the recent arrivals.

Kaidan stood very still, though for the first time since the Normandy found him his expression took a decided turn for the daring-to-hope. "You two..." he began, meeting Seila's eyes over the line of her pistol. He remembered seeing them in the chaos of the mutiny, but he'd gotten dragged away and hadn't seen what became of them. 

"We survived," Seila finished for him, slowly lowering her pistol though she didn't put it away as her sharp eyes spotted Garrus in the background. "It's good to see that Gage was right about you after all, Major."

"Friends," Kaidan told Tali softly. "They weren't part of the mutiny. They're friends."

"The, I'm glad for you. Although we will have to tell Shepard at some point," she pointed out.

"I know," he said quietly. He swallowed and gave the two Ensigns a strained smile, stepping back to give them room to get out. "I'm glad you both were able to get away. Though I'm afraid the situation here is...complicated." 

"That's one way of putting it," Seila mused, shooting a dubious eye around the cargo bay as she stepped out of the pod. Only at a motion from Kaidan did she holster her pistol. "We saw the side of the ship. This is the Normandy." 

"It is," Kaidan confirmed, smile fading.

"Well, I'm glad you're not dead, Major," Gage said, as he climbed out after Seila. "But... the Normandy, sir? The other things they said about you, that was..." He frowned, and peered at the other ensign, then back at Kaidan. "Those things weren’t true...right?"

Kaidan's expression tightened and he had to consciously keep himself from looking away. "I'm not with Cerberus. They spaced me because I wouldn't join them. The Normandy..." He took a deep breath. Here was the hard part, admitting it out loud. "The Normandy saved me. That's where the situation gets...complicated. You know who's in command here."

"Miles Shepard," Seila filled in. She shifted slightly as Gage joined her, covering his blind spot in her periphery. "Not a big fan of yours, is he, sir?"

"Speaking of Shepard," Garrus spoke up, "we need to get out in front of this. If someone doesn't report these two, and he finds out another way, we're all in deep."

"Of course, we're going to let you decide how it's handled," Tali assured Kaidan.

Gage stared at the aliens, first one, and then the other, swallowing. He looked to Kaidan then. "Shepard saved you," he echoed, looking bewildered.

"He did. And someone's convinced the Council that I might be a traitor. And Cerberus in enacting a stealth takeover of the Alliance as we speak. Nothing..." He grimaced. "Nothing is how it should be right now. I'll make sure you're both safe. But that's...that’s all I can promise."

Even that, he worried, might be more than he could do in his current position. 

Turning to look at Garrus and Tali, he nodded with a grim expression. "Tell him. There's no need for you to get caught in the middle of this. I'll handle whatever happens next."

Garrus and Tali shared a look, before the turian slung his rifle over a shoulder and headed for the elevator.

Tali wrung her hands for a moment, then caught herself. "It'll be fine," she said, a little too deliberately. "Oh! Are either of you hurt?"

Seila shrugged, glancing over the scattering of scrapes on her arms and face from whatever they had gone through to get to the escape pod. "Nothing too bad," she said. She cast a glance at the other ensign. "Gage?"

He started, jerking his eyes from the quarian. "Wha? Oh--oh, uh. Yeah. I mean no. I'm fine." He rubbed at a knot on the back of his head. "Except a little goose egg, I guess."

Tali looked to Kaidan. "I guess I'll get started on that computer," she said, and moved over to where it was strapped to the wall.

"Thank you," Kaidan told her. Sighing, he regathered his scattered strength and turned back to face his subordinates. Former subordinates. 

That was going to take a while yet to set in.

He didn’t want it to.

"The situation here is far from ideal," he said quietly. "I'm not in a good position with Shepard, the Alliance, or the Council right now. You should know ahead of time that I've...agreed to help him take down the other ships that were taken over. I won't be leaving the Normandy. But--if I can, I'll try and arrange for the two you to be let off at neutral port."

If Tali was listening in on their conversation, she didn’t act like it. Given his experiences on the Normandy thus far, Kaidan suspected she was anyway. 

Gage's eyes widened at the explanation. "You're taking down Alliance ships?"

"The Trafalgar wasn't the only Alliance ship to fall to mutiny today, if what I’ve learned is any indication. There's no real way of telling how just far the coup has spread, or how far they'll get before anyone else catches on. Shepard is going to go after those ships regardless of what I do. If I stay here...I don't know. But I have a better chance of stopping Cerberus here than turning myself over for a court-martial."

He also sincerely doubted Shepard would even let him leave the Normandy if he wanted to, but that wasn't something he was about to share with these two.

Gage swallowed audibly and peered at Seila.

Then the elevator doors hissed open and Shepard walked into the Cargo Bay with Garrus at his shoulder. "Well, well. I hear you found a couple of the defectors."

Kaidan spun around, stepping over so that he stood between Shepard and the two ensigns. Behind him, Seila inched a hand towards her pistol. 

"They weren't part of the mutiny, Shepard," he said firmly, posture tensed. Not defensive, necessarily, but certainly protective, his arms held slightly away from his body. "I can vouch for that."

"Then why are they alive?" He demanded, eyes fierce--but on Kaidan, not the young ensigns.

"Because they're not idiots," Kaidan returned, referencing what Shepard had said to him earlier. "They took the first chance they got to get out of there. That's the only reason they're even here at all."

Shepard's lips quirked at the explanation and his eyes flicked over the pair. "We don't run a daycare, here," he said, addressing them.

Seila's lips pursed, but she didn't speak, just met his gaze unflinchingly. 

Gage, on the other hand, only stole glances at Shepard when the man wasn't looking at him directly.

"Just let them off at the next neutral port," Kaidan reasoned, trying to draw Shepard's attention back to him. "You were probably going to make a stop somewhere anyways, right? Then they'll be out of your way."

Shepard met Kaidan's eyes again, arching a brow. "So eager to rid yourself of them," he mused.

Kaidan's jaw tightened, but he didn't back down. "They're not part of this, Shepard," he said. Eager to be rid of them, yes, if only to make sure they didn't get caught up in whatever the captain was planning. "They don't know anything. They haven't  _ done  _ anything. Just let them go at the next port."

Shepard seemed to consider it. "They could substantially lessen your workload, Alenko. Think about it before you so quickly dispense with them. You really want to abandon these two on say...Omega?"

Gage inhaled sharply, the sound audible.

Seila's eyes narrowed sharply at Shepard over Kaidan's shoulder. 

For his part, Kaidan had stiffened, hands curling at his sides. "I'm the one you want, Shepard, not them," he said quietly, a subtle twitch giving clue to how difficult it was address this particular topic up in front of his former subordinates, but he didn't want them to end up paying for his own actions. "Maybe not on Omega. Just promise me you'll let them go. Eventually."

Shepard's eyes flared wide, and for a moment he seemed on the brink of violence. "I. Am not. A slaver." He bit off the words, icy and hard.

Kaidan froze, and something like understanding flickered across his face. "....no, you're not," he said quietly. Carefully. "But they shouldn't be held responsible for the actions of their commanding officer. I'm the one who owes you, Shepard. Not them."

"Fine," Shepard answered at last. "But if they choose to stay, I'm not forcing them off. I pay my crew well." His eyes flicked between the ensigns, then back to Kaidan.

"Understood," was all Kaidan said in response, giving a small nod and finally dropping his gaze. "Does that settle things?" 

Seila's attention shifted between Kaidan and Shepard as the two spoke, an intent look in her eyes suggesting she hadn't missed any of the subtext--or the overt text--in their exchange.

Shepard grunted in the affirmative, glancing toward Tali, who had been working on the damaged computer block all the while. Then he turned and left the deck.

Garrus fell into a relaxed stance, folding his arms. "Well, we're gonna have to find a place for you, now."

Tali glanced up at him, and then to Kaidan and the ensigns. "I knew it would be fine," she said softly.

Kaidan's shoulders slumped as soon as Shepard left, his head lowering, eyes closed briefly as he recovered himself. He looked up and gave Tali a wry half-smile. "Maybe I should let you do the talking next time." 

Seila stepped around once the situation had been resolved, arms held loosely as she gave Kaidan a curious look. "You made a deal with him," she observed, catching his eye.

"I did." His tone was more tired than defensive, now, but he didn't look away. 

"You're staying on the Normandy." 

"I am." 

She made a thoughtful noise and nodded. "I see. Very well, sir."

Gage frowned, stepping up to be a part of the conversation. "Well, _ I _ don't see," he said, sounding mildly distressed.

"Shepard wants compensation for all the trouble we've caused him on the Trafalgar, and he just saved Major Alenko's life.  The Major...owes him," Seila explained, a look towards Kaidan waiting for his slight nod to indicate she was on track before she continued. "We were both part of the crew that caused all that trouble, but as our commanding officer...Major Alenko is taking responsibility. That's why he's staying on the Normandy. And why  _ we _ don't have to.  _ If  _ we decide not to stay." 

"Nothing gets past you, does it?" Kaidan mused quietly.

Gage was silent as he processed all of that information, but by his posture and body language, he was agitated. Fearful, even.

"Aha!" Tali said, bent over the computer and working her omnitool furiously. "As I hoped, it's fairly undamaged. I can pull all sorts of information off this thing." She straightened. "The last navigational heading. Communications, sensor data for all major systems. This is going to be huge!"

"Let me know if you run into any encryptions you can't bypass," Kaidan said in an aside to her. "I'll do what I can to help." 

Then he turned his attention back to Gage, hesitant to face him now that the full truth was in the open. "It'll be okay, Gage," he assured him. "You don't have to stay. And no one is going to make you get off at Omega. There will be other ports."

"Yes, sir," Gage said, though it was clear his heart wasn't in it. 

\--

"With Spectre Alenko's help, the encryption protocols were a snap to crack," Tali said, swiping her omnitool through screens. "If I had to guess, there was perhaps 15% data loss overall from damage to the system. As it is, we have so much data to comb through, you might want to consider delegating a full time analyst."

"I'll take that under advisement. In the meantime, I assume you cherry-picked some prime intel?" Shepard opened his own omnitool, preparing to receive what she had for him.

"As far as I can tell, a full thirty-seven Alliance vessels reported in on the proprietary channel set up by the infiltrators,” she replied. “That's every Alliance ship in the Attican Traverse, Shepard."

He was silent for a moment as he scanned the list of vessels and their last known coordinates. What was Cerberus doing? Was there something more than acquisition happening? And if so, what? "You show any of this to Alenko?" 

Tali glanced up at him. "Some. He helped me crack the--"

"Right. Thanks, Tali. I know you want to dive into the other stuff you pulled in, but I'm gonna need all the communications from the Trafalgar for the last ten days, and their last heading."

"I've included all that, Shepard," she said wryly. 

"Alright, fine. Go play." He waved her off then settled down into his chair to scan the data. After nearly an hour, he began to see her point about a data analyst. But he didn't like the thought of anyone else doing it.  _ You paranoid bastard... _

He sighed and reached for his comm. "Alenko, come to the Comm Room."

"... _ on my way _ ," came the tacit reply a few beats later. 

Not long after, the comm room door slid open to admit a guarded looking Kaidan, lines of tension evident confirmation of what he and Tali had discovered. He took a few steps into the room, enough for the door to slide shut behind him, and stopped there. "You wanted to see me?"

"You know how bad this is," Shepard said. He wasn't asking, exactly. "The Alliance has completely lost its Traverse fleet, and Cerberus already has their meat hooks in the Council. That tells me we can expect more of the same in Council Space, yeah?" He arched a brow, leaning back in his chair as he looked Kaidan over.

"That would be my guess," Kaidan said, arms held tightly at his sides. His eyes shifted away and down as he recalled what he had learned--and predicted--over the past few hours with no little discomfort. 

"They won't be able to infiltrate the leadership of the other Council races, but if their results here are any indication…” the Spectre trailed off with a grimace. “Council Space is less isolated than the Traverse, but Cerberus is more than capable of operating under the radar in populated areas." He took a measured breath. "Given the scope...it's very likely they've also infiltrated at several points in Alliance High Command."

"Agreed. Which basically makes the proof I have of your innocence obsolete." Shepard said, eyes on Kaidan. 

"So it seems." Though the news didn't appear to be much surprise, that didn't make hearing Shepard say it aloud like that hit any less hard the second time around. "Disappointed?"

Shepard smirked. "Well now, look who's a cynic."

Kaidan scowled pointedly at him. "That's not a no. What do you want, Shepard?"

"I wanted your opinion, believe it or not."

That gave the Spectre pause. "...on what?" He eyed Shepard skeptically.

"Come on, Alenko. Let's not be coy. It's a shitstorm out there. I had a plan, but it's defunct now. If you had your full Spectre capacity, what would your first move be?"

Another pause. ".....warn the Alliance," he said after a moment, eyes shifting back and forth as he thought. "Someone I trust. Get them a list of the compromised ships...But that wouldn't be enough if the brass is compromised, too. We'd have to find out who's still on our side. Cerberus had to have been communicating somehow--even sleeper agents would have had to have gotten some kind of signal, but combing through even just the Trafalgar's communication data would take forever. It'd have to be done by hand; VI's can be tricked too easily..." 

He trailed off there, brow creasing as he tried to puzzle out a solution to the increasingly complicated problem.

Shepard sniffed and folded his arms. "Trying to contact your pals in the Alliance is the wrong thing to do. Way to paint a fucking target on yourself."

"And what would you recommend? Just let Cerberus take over with no one the wiser? I tried warning the Council already, and you know how that went. We have to tell  _ someone _ ."

"Something of this scope had to be executed simultaneously, or someone could halt it with a warning like you're suggesting. No, this is over and done with." Shepard shook his head grimly. "There's no getting out in front of this. Not until we find a place Cerberus hasn't staged their coup."

Kaidan snorted and look away, expression darkening. "Where would that be? Omega? The colonies? Assuming we're right about them having taken over the Alliance presence in Council space...I can't exactly go ask the turians to go to war with the Alliance. I won't."

"I'm not going to argue this with you, Alenko. You have to know reaching out to the Alliance is suicide."

"So is trying to take on Cerberus without any allies, if they've really--" Kaidan grimaced, put a hand over his eyes. "If Cerberus has taken the Alliance, and they're able to influence the Council, then there's no real way of knowing who's still on our side and who isn't."

"Well, I'm not planning to roll over and take it." Shepard pushed up out of his chair, and went to the comm console. "You have a list of people who wouldn't be compromised, I take it. How many of them are still alive, do you think?"

"I couldn't say," Kaidan said, rubbing his face. He walked over to see what Shepard was doing on the console. "David Anderson, probably. If anyone could get away from Cerberus, he could. I'm not sure about any of the others. I'd have to think on it."

Shepard looked at him, lip curling. "Anderson? This was supposed to be his ship."

Kaidan dropped his hand to glower at Shepard. "I know. They gave him another different one after you stole it. The Agincourt SR-2."

Shepard snorted, and opened a line. "Call him up." He invited.

"Thought you said contacting the Alliance was suicide?"

"And I thought if anyone could get away from Cerberus, he could." He did a fair approximation of Kaidan's tone of voice.

Kaidan shot Shepard an annoyed look and stepped up to input an EP address into the console. "He could. And he hand picked the crew for his ship, so it should have been harder for Cerberus to establish a presence there enough to successfully mutiny. I'm just not sure where they are right now."

"We'll know soon enough," Shepard said folding his arms and regarding the holo where Alenko's contact would soon appear.

The channel buzzed, waiting for the other end to accept the comm call, but finally a stormy-faced David Anderson appeared in holo, his eyes narrowed. He looked haggard, like a man who had been up for far too long, but overall unharmed besides a few errant cuts reduced to static by the fritzing image. "Who the hell is this and how did you get--Alenko? God, is that you?" 

Kaidan straightened up and gave Anderson a short nod. "Captain Anderson. It's good to see you're still alive."

Shepard tilted his head as he inspected the image of the Captain. He'd never met the man, only stole his dry-docked ship.

"No thanks to Cerberus, but we're hanging in there. Where are you? What happened to the Trafalgar?" Anderson seemed to be looking at Kaidan, but his eyes shifted over to eye the man next to him shrewdly. "And who's this?" 

Kaidan grimaced. "The Trafalgar was destroyed following a mutiny by Cerberus operatives planted among my crew. I was...picked up. By the Normandy. Captain Anderson, this is Miles Shepard."

And like that, Shepard had the full weight of Anderson's attention.


	5. When The Devil Comes To Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A double post because I fell behind.

_ "The Trafalgar was destroyed following a mutiny by Cerberus operatives planted among my crew. I was....picked up. By the Normandy. Captain Anderson, this is Miles Shepard." _

_ And like that, Shepard had the full weight of Anderson's attention. _

\--

Shepard suppressed the grin he so badly wanted to flash the Captain, and instead just nodded acknowledgement. "Alenko seems to think that reaching out to Alliance resistance is the way to handle this coup. I couldn't disagree more, yet here you are, alive and, insofar as we know, not compromised."

"I could say the same about you," Anderson shot back without hesitation. "That's a stolen ship you're on, Shepard. Hard to believe you've got any interest in helping the people you took it from. What's your stake in this?"

The stolen ship comment elicited a smirk, but Shepard’s answer held no humor, "I have no love for the Alliance, that's true enough. But Cerberus...I can't--I  _ won't _ abide this power grab. I intend to kill every Cerberus bastard I cross paths with. But this is too big for me and mine alone. You obviously need all the help you can get, so why the fuck not?" He shrugged.

Anderson's eyes narrowed further, but he looked to Kaidan instead. "I know you, Alenko, but some of the things we've been hearing back from Council space are...concerning. There's talk you've taken the Trafalgar and gone rogue. With half the Alliance fleet gone dark, I'm afraid there's more evidence against you than in your favor right now.

"I'm working on organizing the remaining ships still loyal for a counterattack, contacting our allies, but it's still touch and go. The Council is refusing to take sides until they know for certain who's Cerberus and who's not. Unfortunately, your presence just might be the thing that tips the balance out of our favor." 

Kaidan's expression tightened, but otherwise his control didn't waver as he gave a short nod. "I understand, Captain. What course of action would you recommend instead?" 

Anderson's gaze drifted back over to Shepard, though he still spoke to Kaidan. "You know him better than I do, Alenko. Can we trust him?" 

_ Do you trust him?  _ The question echoed unspoken.

Kaidan stiffened, though the action was minute enough to be missed unless you were standing right next to him. He looked over at Shepard, wary unease roiling behind a soldier's mask. "...I trust that he hates Cerberus more than he hates the Alliance," he said finally.

Shepard donned a nasty smile. "Well, that's true," he said. 

Anderson's expression hardened, but he focused back on Kaidan intently, hands clasped behind his back. "It'll have to do. I hate to ask this of you, Alenko, but you might be the only person who can do this right now. There are a lot of people in the galaxy with just as much to lose from a Cerberus takeover as we would. People like Shepard. I need you to find them, get in contact. If things get worse here...there's a good chance we're going to need their help."

Shepard nodded before he could catch himself. He had already been running a list in his head of just those sorts of people. 

"I'll do it," Kaidan said, before his brain had time to think better of it. "Do what you need to do, and I'll get you whatever help I can." 

Anderson's posture lightened, just a bit, and he nodded. "I knew I could count you, Alenko. We'll keep in contact when we can. Good luck." 

"You too, sir," Kaidan said. 

"Shepard..." Anderson reached as if for the console in front of him, but paused to lock gazes with the mercenary. "There's going to be a lot of people counting on you. Don't make me regret this." 

A few moments later, the connection ended.

Shepard stared at the place where Anderson's image had been, his mouth curving in a little grin. "I bet that really burns his ass," he remarked.

"Just don't make me a liar," Kaidan said, fixing Shepard with a stare. "You want to stop Cerberus? We'll stop Cerberus. Don't worry about Anderson."

Shepard side-eyed Kaidan. "Calm down. I wouldn't have bothered bringing you in here, letting you call him up, if I wasn't already invested in doing whatever it takes to end Cerberus."

"Good." Kaidan crossed his arms and turned to lean back against the console, brow furrowed. "I'm assuming you've already got some ideas about who might be interested in lending a hand."

"Some," Shepard agreed, mirroring Kaidan's pose, watching him. "You sure you can handle working with all the villainous scum I'm bringing to the table?" He grinned, arching a brow. 

Kaidan eyed Shepard sideways, expression darkening, a touch of caution in his eyes. "I'm a Spectre. And a soldier. I'll do what I have to."

"That's what I like to hear," Shepard said, turning back to the console. "You working on anything down on deck three?"

"....I was helping Tali with some of the salvage," Kaidan said slowly.

"Uh huh. I want you in the Trafalgar's databanks. There had to be some orders coming in, reports going out. I want to know exactly what was said and where it was sent. I want to know who they took those orders from."

Kaidan frowned, opening his mouth to object before seeming to remember himself. "...that's going to take a while," he said instead. "We would have to trace each ingoing and outgoing communication individually..."

"Probably," Shepard agreed, and began to key in an EP address.

Kaidan watched him a moment, glancing at the address being inputted, then sighed heavily. "I'll let you know when I find something," he muttered, and headed for the door.

The channel buzzed as Kaidan turned away, and a woman's voice answered. "Shepard, I'm a little busy at the moment." 

"That wouldn't have anything to do with Cerberus, now would it, Aria?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan stiffened and shot a look back over his shoulder when he caught that name, glimpsing an annoyed looking asari, but after a moment tore his attention away and kept walking.

\--

It had been two days since Shepard had last seen Alenko, since he'd let the man call up David Anderson. He'd left the Spectre to his task of pouring through the Trafalgar's computer, a chore he was all too happy to relegate to his newly indebted. From time to time, he would ping a text message to Kaidan, asking for updates, but never called him up to deck one. But they would be hitting the Omega relay in a few hours, and they really needed to sort out just how things would go. He couldn't have the little Alliance white knight getting up on his soap box and turning all this effort into a joke. 

_ Need you in the Comm Room _ . He sent at last.

There was a pause, perhaps slightly longer than usual, before Kaidan sent back a brief,  _ On my way _ .

The comm room doors slid open to admit him a short while later, the Spectre looking a bit tired from long hours pouring over strings of data but nonetheless alert as ever. He closed his omni-tool as he walked in, taking a few steps inside the door before stopping like he had last time he was there. "I haven't finished going through the next set of comm data..." he began.

"We need to have a talk," Shepard started, gazing at him steadily from his seat, "about what happens next. What we're going to do at Omega."

"We're going to Omega," Kaidan said, frowning slightly as he filed away that particular bit of information. He hadn't exactly been privy to the ship's navigational path, though Gage had filled him in on a few things the ensign had picked up in the CIC. "Aria T'Loak?"

"Among others," he confirmed. "She has weight with the merc crews, the crime lords, the people Anderson was talking about. If a deal is going to be brokered for their aid, Aria will need to have a hand in it. Otherwise," he shook his head, "no one will take this seriously."

"You've been busy the past couple days," Kaidan noted. "Sounds like you already have a plan in mind for how this is going to go down."

"You think this is a game to me?" Shepard asked, eyes narrowing.

"I think I've spent the past two days down in the cargo bay with no idea of where we're going or what it is you're doing up here," Kaidan retorted. "Anderson entrusted me with seeing this through. I don't plan on letting him down."

"Sit down," Shepard commanded, jerking his chin toward the seats.

Kaidan's jaw twitched, but he crossed and took a seat all the same. "Well?"

Shepard leaned forward, forearm across his lower thigh. "I've reached out to nearly every mercenary, smuggler, assassin--every two bit swindler, every info-broker, every piece of underworld trash this side of Alliance Space. And I urged them to bring all their friends. Aria T'Loak is the only figure with enough pull and power to reign in a rabble that size, and she's only half convinced this is even worth her time. But you better fucking believe that I'm going to convince her, I'm going to convince every last one of them, that if they don't go in on this, they  _ will _ regret it. No matter the outcome of the war we're about to undertake, I'll hunt every last one of those slimy bastards down and gut them myself. Or as good as. So have I been busy the past couple days? Have I got a plan in mind? You bet your ass I do."

Kaidan watched Shepard in silence as he spoke, the tension slowly draining from his posture. "....alright," he said finally. "So what's your plan, then? For convincing them all to go along with this? We both know threats aren't going to do much good where Aria's concerned."

"The moment she realizes that Cerberus will come and take Omega from her once they've finished playing with the Alliance and the Council...then she'll be all in. I just need to make her see it. It won't take much, I know her. And once we have Aria, the rest should fall in line if they have a fucking brain in their head. Oh, and I've already got the Blue Suns with us. All of them. They're onboard."

Kaidan's eyes narrowed slightly at the mention of the Blue Suns. "They know they're going to have to work with the Alliance?"

Shepard leaned back into his chair, lips quirking. "Coordinating assaults isn't exactly working with..."

"Allying against a common enemy is a lot different than shooting at the both of us. It matters, Shepard."

Shepard lifted a hand. "I'll handle it. Now listen, I know you think this is your big mission to prove to Anderson and the rest of those hypocrites you're still a good boy, but I can't have you, a fucking Spectre, getting up in front of that lot, and giving your little pep talk."

Kaidan crossed his arms, fingers curling slightly. "You have something else in mind, I assume. Keep quiet and let you do all the talking? Trust you won't sell us out in the process?"

"You seem to have me confused with the Alliance," he snarled.

"The Alliance doesn't--" Kaidan started to snap back, but caught himself with a grimace. "You haven't exactly given me much reason to think otherwise so far."

"You're right," Shepard said. "The Alliance losses aren't what concerns me. Not even a little. They leave their people defenseless, this is the least of what they deserve. But what Cerberus has gained in the meanwhile does concern me. They have to be stopped before they're too big to beat."

Kaidan's jaw tightened. "I won't just stand back and let you sacrifice the Alliance to defeat Cerberus."

"Like the Alliance sacrifices their colonies?" Shepard sneered. 

Kaidan stared at him. "What does that have to do with any of this?"

Shepard blinked, seemingly at a loss. Then he frowned. "Only this: I don't trust the Alliance to have the best interests of the people in mind. If you aren't a military pawn, you aren't worth a damn. That's what they've proven themselves to be, to me."

"And where does that leave me? You don't trust the Alliance, so you expect me to just trust you to handle everything instead?"

Shepard glared at him for a long moment. "No. I need the Alliance. And I need you to deal with them. We have to work together. But just like you would hardly prop me up to convince Anderson and his ilk of anything, I don't think it's the best idea to have you singing the praises of the Alliance or the Council to the group at Omega."

"...okay, you might have a point," Kaidan muttered. He sighed and rubbed his face. "I should at least be there, though. I need to know what happens."

"Oh, you'll be there," Shepard confirmed. "And I'll even let you address the assembly. But we need to talk about what you intend to say."

"You're not planning on dictating that too, I hope."

"Well, I guess that depends on what you plan to say."

Kaidan frowned. "Well, like you've said yourself, Cerberus is a threat to everyone. If we don't stand against them now, they'll just pick us off one by one. It's in their best interest to help us now, before the threat grows beyond control."

Shepard nodded. "Yeah, good. Alright."

"...that's it?" Kaidan eyed him skeptically. "No comments about how I'm going about it the wrong way?"

"I'd say you're going about it exactly the right way," Shepard said. 

Kaidan blinked and sat back. "...oh. Alright then." 

Agreeing with Shepard. Weird.

Shepard snorted at his reaction. "Just do me a favor and don't start shit with anyone."

"A Spectre in the heart of the galaxy's underworld. Somehow I don't think  _ I'm _ going to be the one starting anything."

"You're in my crew now. Fucking with you is disrespecting the Normandy, and me."

Kaidan stilled, staring at Shepard for a long moment in wary silence. "I thought you said I didn't count as crew." 

Shepard glared at him again. "Do you have to argue with everything I say?"

"Just trying to understand my position here," he said quietly.

"Everything has changed, Alenko."

"I'm not sure I understand."

Shepard sighed and rubbed at his temple. "Cerberus... The scope of this whole thing, it kind of dwarfs our grudge, don't you think? Yeah, you owe me. But there are more important things first. Things we need each other for, yeah?"

Kaidan dropped his gaze to the floor, frowning. "You're not wrong," he said at last. "I guess I just didn't expect to hear that coming from you."

"What, reason?" Shepard scoffed. 

Kaidan's eyes flicked up. "Crew? After our history?"

"We need to work together, Alenko. You have to see that."

"I do." Kaidan arched an eyebrow. "Are we going to be working together, though? Or is this just more of you  _ letting _ me contact Anderson and the Council."

"You ask a lot of questions." Shepard complained. 

"I like knowing where I stand. Saves trouble later on. I need to know if you're going to still be expecting me to follow your orders like before."

"We will work together. I'll give you some autonomy, but I expect you to respect my orders, when given. We need each other. And while I'm not crazy about this, probably no more than you are, we've got bigger problems."

"Alright," Kaidan said. He looked up at Shepard and nodded slowly. "I can work with that. How long before we reach Omega?"

"We'll reach the Omega Relay in a few hours. Omega station in about a day. You want to give the Trafalgar's comm data a rest, you can do that. I want you rested, prepared for the worst, when we go ashore. And wear your Spectre armor, they'll eat that up."

Kaidan eyed Shepard. "You're going to make a show out of this, aren't you? Getting all of them together. Convincing them. It's all part of your plan."

"Damn right I am. These people need a spectacle. And I'm going to give it to them. We both are. Because we don't have any other choice."

"I don't think I'm ever going to get used to agreeing with you like this," Kaidan muttered. "But okay. Whatever you need me to do to pull this off...I'll do it. Just try to give me a little warning ahead of time if you can."

"Sure." Shepard smirked. 

"...yeah, see, that? Not actually reassuring." Kaidan sighed. "Was there anything else you wanted to go over?"

"Oh, I don't know. Did you have any more questions?"

"How about what is it you're planning on having me do once we get to Omega that has you making that face?"

"First, we meet with Aria, and I'm going to talk to her. If she has questions for you, you answer them. Whatever it takes to convince her. And when she agrees to help us, you'll stand with me when I address our future army. And you'll have your say, too. And when they agree, we start setting up a chain of command, making plans, you'll probably want to check in with Anderson and see where he's at."

Kaidan was quiet for a moment as he thought it over, probably trying to anticipate what else Shepard had left out, before he nodded. "Alright. Sounds good."

There was more to it, he was sure, but he could work with that. Like Shepard said: he had to.

"Good. That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"If I say yes now, I'm probably going to regret it later. But I guess not." Kaidan shook his head and got to his feet. "...thanks for filling me in. I appreciate it."

"Sure," Shepard said and smirked in the exact same tone of voice as before. The one Alenko found to be not so reassuring.

Kaidan just kind of looked at Shepard a moment, then just sighed and turned to leave. "I'm going to try and finish the set I was working on before we get there. I'll send it to you if I do."

"I meant what I said about getting rest. You look like shit."

"Yeah, thanks. I'll take care of that, too." Kaidan called over his shoulder.

"You better! Those thugs aren't gonna be impressed by a half-comatose Spectre."

Kaidan rolled his eyes and kept walking.

As the door slid shut, Shepard snorted.


	6. The Spectacle

"I'm gonna make this real fuckin' simple, okay? No fucking with Aria, no shooting first, and no rising to the bait. Got it?" The four of them marched down the connection tunnel from the Normandy's airlock to one of many docks on Omega station. Despite Shepard’s words, all of them were armored and armed to the teeth. 

"This ain't my first trip to Omega, Shepard," Wrex growled.

Garrus glanced at Kaidan and shrugged. 

Kaidan resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead just raising an eyebrow when Shepard looked at him. "Got it," he replied blandly. He rolled his shoulder, subtly checking again on the pistol and rifle he had chosen from the Normandy's armory--still somewhat surprised Shepard had let him come armed at all, even it was Omega. Even if he was, apparently, considered part of the Normandy's crew now.

And somehow that wasn't even the weirdest part of his life these days.

He kept his eyes alert on the station around them as they reached the dock, conscious of the target his Spectre armor would likely make him once any of Shepard's more infamous invitees spotted him. He didn't have to see the guest list to know most of them wouldn't be keen on even listening to him without the Normandy's captain around to mediate.

Shepard led the way toward what should have been their meeting point with Aria, a bar called Afterlife. A dark place of lurid neon and sordid dancers, and Shepard didn't even slow as he led his group up to a VIP box which overlooked the main floor of the club. Wrex and Garrus hung back as they entered the box, but Shepard and Kaidan continued up to where the Queen of Omega sat lounging.

"Well, look who it is," she said, as if she hadn't been expecting their arrival. 

"Nice to see you, Aria," Shepard greeted, planting hands on his hips. "This is Spectre Alenko." He jerked his head back over his shoulder, as if she needed him to indicate who he meant. 

Her eyes shifted to Kaidan, looking him over for a moment, then back to Shepard. She smirked and shifted on her sofa, making herself comfortable. "This ought to be good. Sit down."

Keeping a tight rein on his composure, Kaidan met Aria's brief look with a very slight nod and waited for her to shift her attention back to Shepard before moving to join the mercenary. Shepard might have been leading things, but the Spectre wasn't about to let himself be excluded from the upcoming conversation. If he held himself more than a little stiffly, well--they were on Omega after all, and the circumstances that brought them there necessitated more than a little tension.

Shepard sat back, eyes on Aria, and she still lounged, in direct counterpoint to the Spectre in her midst.

"So..." She said, keen eyes shifting between them, before she pointedly began inspecting her cuticles. "Why should I care about a little Alliance insurrection?"

"You know it's more than that," Shepard said.

"Do I?"

"A 'little insurrection' doesn't come close to the scale we're looking at," Kaidan said, eyes narrowing. "Nor this level of precision and organization."

Aria eyed the Spectre expressionlessly. 

"He's right," Shepard confirmed. "The entire Traverse Fleet was taken, in unison. As well as the majority of Alliance ships in Council and Alliance Systems space. And besides that, this isn't some random Earth political faction. This is Cerberus. None of us can afford to let them get away with a power grab like that."

"So you keep saying," Aria returned, sounding bored. "But what does Omega care if the Alliances shifts hands from one group of humans to another? What do I care?"

"You really think Cerberus is going to just leave you alone out here? That they'll be content to just leave the rest of the galaxy alone? " Kaidan said, an edge his carefully modulated control. "Who do you think they'll go after next once the Alliance falls? After the Council?"

Aria's smooth blue brow furrowed, and her gaze flicked between them. 

"You know exactly who," Shepard said. "But I don't intend to let them get that far, and neither should you."

"...I prefer offense to defense, anyway," Aria said after a few beats of bass-drenched club music. She waved a hand. "Fine. I'll show up for your little meeting."

Shepard exhaled softly. Neither of the mismatched pair relaxed, not nearly, but to have one burden lift from the seemingly impossible task before them...

Shepard told her when and where the meeting would take place--a fight stadium, central and large enough for their purposes--and Aria reiterated her acquiescence to she would attend. Then he rose, glancing to be sure Alenko did likewise, and headed back down toward Garrus and Wrex. 

Kaidan kept to himself as the group made their way out, waiting until they had left the wall of noise that was Afterlife before murmuring, "That go as well as you expected?"

"Pretty much," Shepard answered. "She's smart. I knew she'd be onboard."

"And the rest?"

"Not as smart," Shepard grimaced slightly. "But they respect her. They respect Omega. Her presence will go a long way."

"As long as it'll hold when things start to go down," Kaidan said. He glanced at Shepard. "But I suppose that's where you come in."

Shepard snorted, glancing at him. "I'm surprised you aren't pissing in your pants, having this relying so heavily on me."

"You're the best way of making sure this works," Kaidan said, not looking at him. "If I had a better option I would take it." 

"Believe me," Shepard muttered under his breath. "I know the feeling..."

"So long as it works, that's all that matters," Kaidan reminded him quietly. Reminded himself. "Everything else is secondary."

Shepard glanced at him, perhaps surprised by the sentiment, then he nodded.

\--

When Shepard led his people into the coliseum, it was already packed with his potential army. Mercenaries, gangs, smugglers, informants, and even common criminals, all rowdy noise and even a few scattered brawls. Down in the fight ring, in the center of all that rabble, Aria stepped up and lifted her arms as though a benevolent ruler blessing her adoring people. The clamor reached a fever pitch--and abruptly dropped off.

Shepard whistled low. "How's this for a show?"

Kaidan stopped beside him, arms held close at his sides as he scanned the assembled masses. His face was a mask of calm, but apprehension buzzed beneath the surface. "We've got the audience for it, at least. You're sure you'll be able to convince them?"

"Sure," Shepard said, in that too-easy manner of his. His eyes swept the mostly-silent masses. 

Screens above the ring magnified Aria's face as she regarded the crowds before addressing them. "It's good to see so many of you had the brains to show up," she said, voice amplified and ringing in the arena. "Now comes the moment to see if you have the stones to do what needs doing." 

The answering roar was deafening.

"Feel like filling me in on anything you might've neglected to mention before we go out there?" Kaidan eyed Shepard briefly before looking back out at the crowd. Even at a distance he could pick out a few too-familiar faces, uniforms and armor scattered through the stands he had seen far too recently on the opposite end of a gun. "Just, you know. In case you forgot something before."

"If this doesn't work, if I can't convince them, there's not much that'll stop this mob from tearing us to pieces," Shepard offered, and stepped forward into the light, pulling himself up into the ring and moving to Aria's side. 

The Spectre blanched a moment, then steeled himself and followed Shepard out to face the assembled underworld of the galaxy. 

The noise began to wane again as Shepard stepped to Aria's side. The majority of those gathered knew who he was, had answered his personal call. But the moment the Spectre entered the ring, pandemonium broke out. 

Aria lifted a hand to silence them. "Hey! Shut the fuck up!"

Kaidan stood at Shepard's side, hands twitching before he curled them into loose fists and lifted his head up to stare back at the stadium unflinchingly. 

The crowds managed to calm themselves and, more slowly this time, quieted. Shepard stood before them with what seemed to be obvious ease, casual and cocksure. 

"I called you here today for a reason," he began, voice amplified and ringing as Aria's had. "Some of you may already be aware that Cerberus has made a power play. For those of you who don't: listen up. The Alliance has been crippled; their deep space fleets, infiltrated and taken. Many of you might find this news pleasing. You're fuckin' stupid." There was some angry outcry at that. But Shepard raised his voice. "What the Alliance lost, Cerberus gained."

"So what?!" called a turian. "These are human problems!"

"That's where you're fuckin' stupid  _ wrong _ ," Shepard retorted. "Cerberus is an anti-alien terrorist organization bent on human domination. Once they wrest control of the Alliance fleets, they'll attack Council Space. And once that falls, they'll come for Omega and the Terminus Systems."

The arena erupted with thousands of arguing voices. 

"They don't have the balls to take Omega!" one mercenary jeered. 

"So let 'em take the Alliance out for us and then we'll kick their asses to the galactic core!" shouted another. 

Kaidan twitched at the second comment, shooting a look towards Shepard, but managed to keep his mouth shut.

"You've been struggling against the Council and the Alliance for decades!” Shepard interrupted, reclaiming the stage. “Imagine if those two forces were of one mind, working in sync against us! Think about it. Those two entities act in accordance with laws and regulations. They move by the command of political agents, some of which are crooked enough to play with us. But if they were all dominated by Cerberus... The only laws would be the ones Cerberus makes, which serve only Cerberus. Your agency, trade, livelihood--your  _ existence _ \--would end in a series of precision strikes."

The loud clamoring faltered, though a low murmur of arguments and denials continued through the surrounding stands that only grew in anxious furor.

"Do you honestly think we can stand up to the entire galaxy united against us?!" Shepard demanded.

"I ain't helping any fuckin' Alliance dogs!" a voice shouted out of the crowd, just as another called, "So what happens if we do? We get to pick the Alliance clean afterwards?"

A very brief flicker of blue energy flashed around Kaidan's hands before he clamped down hard on the reaction.

Shepard kept going. "The Alliance are all but lost! We step up, here and now, before Cerberus moves on the Council Systems, and they will owe us  _ everything _ . Can you imagine for one second what it would mean to Arcturus, to Earth, if we pulled their asses out of the fire?! Think about it."

That got their attention, and more than a few heads turned towards Kaidan as the furor abruptly died. A susurrus of speculation whispered around the arena and Kaidan very carefully didn't lower his impassive gaze from the crowd.

"That's right. Not only will we end this little coup Cerberus is working up, preserving our own freedoms, our way of life out here in the Terminus, we will be the fuckin' saviors of humankind, and they will rain the gratitude down on us. The question, my friends, is not 'why should we step up'. It's 'how can we pass up this opportunity?'" Shepard lifted his chin, eyes scanning the assemblage. Yes, greed was easy to tap into here, where even self preservation could not.

More murmuring, louder now. Considering, with occasional, quickly fading objections. Then someone called over the noise, "What about the Spectre? What're you doing with him?

Shepard lifted a hand for quiet, though he hardly needed it with the amplification of their voices. "I'm glad you brought that up. You see, this Spectre here is officially under my protection. He’s the liaison to the current Alliance resistance and our key to any chance of defeating Cerberus, in a joint effort, and our just reward. If you have a problem with that set up, come on down here and I'll set you straight, right now."

Kaidan very nearly turned to stare at Shepard himself as silence hushed over the stadium. A few questioning whispers to the effect of ‘Do you think he's serious?’ and ‘You wanna go down and see if he's not?’ echoed around them, before those, too, died. 

"Shit,” came a lone voice from the crowd. “You're really fuckin' serious about this?" 

"I'm really fuckin' serious about all of this shit! Do you think I'd call you all in here, get Aria--" Shepard waved a hand toward her--"here too, and dick around?! All of our asses are on the line, here. And a whole lot of reward is at stake. So are you fuckers ready to save the fuckin' galaxy, or what?!"

For a few moments longer silence reigned. Then the stadium roared. Attention finally off him, Kaidan turned his head over towards Shepard and raised an eyebrow, lips curving. 

Somehow, this gambit of theirs had worked. 

Shepard smiled, nodded, and lifted a fist in the air. "Fuck yeah, Terminus!" He looked to Aria, who stepped forward with her fist in the air as well. When he  glanced at Kaidan his look said  _ I told you so. _

Kaidan glanced up at the stadium, then back to Shepard with a small shrug of acquiescence. Maybe you did. Then a questioning look and a nod at the stands. What now?

"What comes next is organizational. I want the name of every ship captain or crew leader who's in sent to the Normandy. We'll establish squadrons within the fleet, as well as a chain of command. For those of you whose skills are in acquisitions, you'll be setting up supply chains or establishing recon nets. If you have any contacts who aren't present, spread the word. We'll take a few weeks to get shit straight, and then we mobilize."

Kaidan stood down then, looking around the stadium as Shepard wound down the assembly. The crowd followed along intently now, and those who didn't were soon enough strong armed by their fellows into doing so anyway. 

Now came the hard part. 

Aria walked them out the way they'd come in, smiling, for a wonder. "I'm impressed. I didn't think anyone could wrangle those idiots."

"Right, well keeping them in line will be an even bigger bitch," Shepard sighed. "But once we can aim them at Cerberus, it'll work itself out."

"You think they'll be able to stay focused on target for that long?" Kaidan asked with a glance at Shepard, the first time he'd spoken since they walked out into the arena. 

"I sure as hell hope so," he answered, sounding tired.

As they exited the arena, Aria said, "I'll be in touch," and stepped off toward her transport.

"I need a drink," Shepard muttered.

"No shortage of that around here," Kaidan said offhand, too relieved everything had worked out to remember to be tense and wary about working with the mercenary he'd been fighting for years.

Shepard glanced at him. "Come on, you're having one, too."

Kaidan paused, staring at him sideways. "Sorry, what?"

"Don't tell me you don't drink. Not even a few celebratory rounds? Shit..."

"No, I drink," Kaidan said slowly, still eyeing Shepard. "Just never thought I'd ever hear you say that when it didn't involve poisoning me or something."

Shepard gave him a flat look. "I take it back. I'd rather drink alone, then have Buzzkill McCouncilpants with me."

"I haven't forgotten that much of Ypmanta," Kaidan replied with a pointed eyebrow. "I try not to make the same mistake twice." 

"Fine," Shepard waved him off. "Wouldn't be the first time I drank alone."

There was a pause, and then a sigh as Kaidan looked away. "....under your protection?" he asked suddenly. "Seriously?"

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" Shepard grumped. He didn't feel especially celebratory anymore. 

Kaidan's lips twitched despite himself. "One drink," he conceded. "But you're not touching it."

Shepard snorted. "Whatever you say."

"I mean it," Kaidan told him. "If you haven't changed your mind already, that is."

Shepard looked at him. "Come on, then. For one drink." He smirked. 

Kaidan rolled his eyes and gestured for Shepard to lead the way.

Shepard took them to a small dive bar a far cry different from Afterlife. The neon here was a dull, flickery yellow-orange strip which ran along the ceilings and only half-lit the place. The only other patron was a wizened looking batarian who took one look at them and buried his face into his drink. Shepard ignored him, dropping into a stool at the bar, and slapping the one beside him. 

As they approached the bar, Kaidan shot a surprised look over at Shepard that took a turn for the thoughtful. He sat at the bar with only a moment of hesitation though, and tilted his head toward Shepard. "Quieter than I would have expected from you." 

"I meant what I said," he murmured. 

The bartender was a turian female, who took one look at them and rolled her eyes. She reached for a dust-coated bottle on a high shelf, and poured two glasses. "Levo costs extra."

"And I don't know which surprises me more," Kaidan said undertone to Shepard, before inclining his head to the bartender. "Thanks."

Shepard threw back his drink in a single swallow, coughed once, and glanced at Kaidan. "Give me a break, Alenko. You should be kissing my ass. I could have sold you as the doorprize in my Kill Cerberus Club."

Kaidan reached for his own drink, though the comment made him stop a moment to eye Shepard with a disconcerted frown. "I know." He looked at the contents of his glass a moment before taking a drink, then added, "That's why I was so surprised when you didn't."

"You really thought I'd do that, and walked into that arena anyway?" Shepard asked, incredulous, as he gestured to the barkeep for a refill.

"Could I have done anything else?" Kaidan replied quietly, watching the dark liquid in his glass. "If it worked, it worked." 

Shepard shifted to regard the Spectre fully, a pensive frown on his face. "Well damn, Alenko. I can't decide if you're monumentally stupid, or have the biggest balls I've ever seen..."

Kaidan tapped his fingers against his glass and just glanced up at Shepard. "Does it matter? You didn't do it. And if you had...you hate Cerberus enough to see this through anyway." 

Shepard shook his head. "Nah. I need you in this. And what I said about being part of the crew...in this at least. Shit, I don't know." He took up his glass and drained it again.

"You can always take it back later," Kaidan offered, taking another drink. "Don't think anyone's going to argue much about that." 

Shepard scowled at his empty glass. "You don't know me."

"Probably not." Kaidan raised an eyebrow over at him. "I've only been chasing you for three years now."

"I don't take it back. At least not with my people..."

Kaidan's hand tightened around his glass slightly and he cast a look away at the far wall. "Yeah. I know."

Shepard dropped a chit on the bar, the turian took it up and ran it for the charge. Once he'd pocketed it again, he shook his head. "This was a mistake. You're the worst drinking partner ever. We were supposed to be celebrating and I feel like shit."

Kaidan glanced back over at him, expression uncertain. "What you did today was impressive," he said. He raised his glass in toast and drained the remainder. "Maybe quiet wasn't the best way to celebrate." 

"I'm done 'celebrating'. Next time we celebrate, it's Cerberus's crushing defeat."

Kaidan smiled faintly and inclined his head. "I could drink to that."

Shepard nodded seriously. "Holding you to that. Come on." He pushed off his stool and headed out of the bar. They had work to do. 


	7. In Which Questionable Decisions Are Made By All

One day led into another, and before long almost two weeks had passed since the mutiny on the Trafalgar. Best intentions aside, reforming the underworld of the Terminus into a functional, cohesive fleet took more than a little work, navigating individual grudges and longstanding feuds between crews that had to be put aside in favor of facing the greater threat. Aria helped considerably in that regard, as well as lending her experience to organizing so many simultaneously moving parts into sync with each other.

Kaidan touched base with Anderson when he could, trying to keep apprised of the situation back in Council Space as Cerberus entrenched themselves further into the heart of the Alliance. Sooner or later, the Terminus fleet would need to coordinate with Anderson's resistance, and as liaison he was responsible for keeping both sides updated on the others' plans.

To that effect, he had been included in several of the planning meetings as Shepard and Aria met with their captains and crew leaders, though as with before he'd had little direct influence beyond reporting whatever updates he'd gotten from Anderson and answering questions when he could.

The instinctive reflex to deflect and avoid giving potential enemies intel that could be used against the Alliance and the Council was still one he struggled to ignore, and he doubted it went unnoticed by many of the underworld leaders involved in the meetings. More than one comment or another had been let slip on occasion, with a sidelong look his way to see if they could succeed in baiting him.

He stayed focused as best he could, saving the lapses in control for when he returned to the Normandy and could at least pretend privacy in the dark of the cargo bay.

Shepard's words from the bar lingered in his thoughts, but he did his best to stay busy, distracted, because thinking too long on one thing was just an invitation for all the rest to come flooding after.

Gage and Seila seemed to be settling in well with the crew at least, for which he was glad, even if he still couldn't shake the need to be on high-alert at all times even when he was on the Normandy--and the fact that Miles Shepard's ship had somehow become the closest thing to a safe haven for him was another thought he tried not to dwell on so much.

The tension, locked down as best he could but still undeniably present, made itself known in a faint pressure in his temples, the migraine growing slowly in the background as one week turned to the next. He tried ignore it, aided in that at least by years of experience as an L2. His implant never reacted well to compounded stress, and he hadn't been able to actually relax or work any of it off since first boarding the Normandy.

Experience told him something else, too: sooner or later, something would have to give.

On a number of fronts.

Shepard's temporary extension of protection had to be just that: temporary. There was far too much history between them for anything else, and while he knew how seriously the mercenary captain took his crew's wellbeing, Kaidan knew just as well how ruthless Shepard could be with his enemies when the situation called for it.

He could trust Shepard would hold to his word while he still needed a liaison with Anderson’s resistance, but once that was over....

Kaidan knew he couldn't risk letting his guard down. Their antagonism had taken second seat to defeating Cerberus, but if sacrificing either him or the Alliance would serve to reach that goal, he had little doubt of the choice Shepard would make.

With these thoughts crowding the forefront of his mind, and a too-long suppressed buzz of pent up energy reaching a tipping point under his skin, Kaidan didn't think to contact the Normandy's captain when he heard Gage and Seila hadn't yet returned from their spontaneous excursion into Omega. He just grabbed his armor and the guns he'd been given, left word with Garrus, and went after them before anyone could stop him.  

\--

By the time Shepard called for the Spectre, and then called a second time, and then was subsequently contacted by Garrus with an explanation, Alenko had to have been gone an hour or perhaps two already. Alone in Omega, chasing those children the Alliance took on as junior officers. The odds were good that all three had found trouble, or perhaps had absconded completely. Either way, Miles Shepard was utterly fucked, Terminus Fleet or not. But he wasn't the sort of man who panicked.

"Hold down the fort for me, Vakarian," He said, strapping on his armor and weapons. "Gotta grab our Alliance assets. Call me if they return before I do."

"Of course, Shepard."

He stepped out onto the station and tried to clear his mind of all the current major problems he'd been working on. No big deal, just the end of the galaxy. Just gonna take a walk and find some sightseeing squares.

Maybe it was providence that Shepard had tried the commercial districts first, but he couldn't wrap his head around Alenko in the red light district, and there was little reason for him to head for a shipping district, except perhaps, abandoning his mission. That seemed the least likely, and yet, the possibility niggled at Shepard.

As expected, trouble found Kaidan long before he found either of his errant former subordinates. Shepard's declaration at the assembly had make a significant impact, but with most of the galaxy's criminal element gathered in one place it was only so long before someone decided to take the opportunity presented by the lone, clearly distracted Spectre for what it was worth.

When Shepard heard the gunshots, he began to sprint.

They had cornered the Spectre--a mixed group of Blood Pack and independent thugs-for-hire--on a side street somewhere in the heart of one of Omega's dingy commercial districts, probably making a play at 'just talking' before starting to try and provoke Kaidan into attacking them first. Given the stray shots one of the krogan was starting to take at the wall behind him, a few making him duck to one side or the other to narrowly avoid getting hit, it was probably only a matter of time before they decided to just attack and claim he made the first move afterwards.

Kaidan stood defensively with his back to a battered concrete wall, the surface around him scattered with holes and pockmarks from gunfire both old and new. Smoking bullet holes formed a loose outline around him, offset by the light of the barrier he had finally called up around himself. The field was held tight to his body, hands quivering at his sides as he fought to keep control while his eyes flicked back in forth in search of some angle of escape from what had quickly become a badly outnumbered situation.

"Come on, Spectre," a scarred turian near the front of the group crowding the entrance of the alley jeered, lining up another shot just left of Kaidan's ear. "Just draw already, give me an excuse. We're gonna run out of wall eventually and my hand just might start slipping..."

Shepard rounded the corner and saw the group crowding the alley mouth. Without a word, he charged, tackling the biggest of the two krogan. Riding the big Blood Pack thug to the ground, Shepard reared back and cracked his gauntleted fist into the brute's face with dazing force, thanks to an illegal armor mod.

Then he was up and whirling on the rest, before anyone had half a chance to react. "Motherfuckers, I _told_ you!" he bellowed.

The first krogan groaned on the ground, while the rest of the pack swiveled almost in unison to confront the new threat--only to draw up short when they realized who it was. A cacophony of swearing, scrambling, and stammered excuses suddenly erupted.

"Shepard--!"

"--shit--"

"We didn't do nothin--"

"He was--"

"--started it--"

At the other end of the alley, the field around Kaidan faltered as he stared at Shepard in stunned disbelief.

"Get out of here," Shepard growled at the mob. "Now!"

A few of them protested, shooting looks back at Kaidan, the other krogan growling something back. But most of them scattered and, seeing their numbers having dropped considerably, the rest soon followed.

The biotic glow around Kaidan flickered out and his hands unclenched at his sides, but his defensive stance didn't change. "...Shepard..."

Shepard started into the alley, not bothering to watch the gang flee, jerking his chin at Kaidan. "You alright?"

"I'm fine," Kaidan said. "They were missing on purpose, mostly. ...Why are you here?"

"Saving your dumb ass. Obviously. Do you have any idea how busy I am? Are you bored? Or fuckin' stupid? I didn't peg you for suicidal..."

The Spectre's jaw clenched and he looked away. "Gage and Seila never reported back. I went to look for them."

"Alone," Shepard said, in a tone which reiterated the Are you fuckin' stupid? question.

"I'm a Spectre. I can handle myself."

Shepard snorted. "Clearly. Look, I don't care what you think you're doing out here, you're too damn valuable to simply trot about Omega solo on a whim. Especially when Omega is currently filled with a million thugs just like those," he jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "looking for a trophy."

"No, you'd much rather I stay locked up in the cargo bay until you needed me again." One of Kaidan’s hands twitched at his side. "They're--they were my crew. If they're in trouble, I can't just abandon them out here."

"You could have asked for help..."

"From you?" Kaidan gave a quiet, mirthless laugh. "Yeah. Sure."

Shepard rolled a shoulder, his stare going flat. "Garrus, Tali, me... Any of us would have. Those kids are Crew."

"They're my responsibility. I promised to keep them safe." Clinging to that, beneath the layers of brittle control and bottled-up stress. One last shred of familiarity in a universe gone wrong.

And, in the guarded look Kaidan fixed on him: _I wasn't going to chance anyone saying no._

"You aren't doing them any good here," Shepard retorted. "Damnit, Alenko...If those thugs had their way, we could kiss the whole galaxy goodbye. I can't bridge the Terminus and Alliance rebel fleets without you. This is bigger than your ego. Bigger than a couple kids."

"I had it handled--" Kaidan started to snap, but he swallowed it and looked away. "I had to get out of there," he muttered. His posture bridled with repressed tension. "My ego's got nothing to do with it."

Shepard eyed him. "Look at you. You're about to explode. Why didn't you fight them?"

"Like you said, I'm too important," Kaidan said tonelessly. "Couldn't give them an excuse to say I shot first. They hadn't actually hit me yet."

Shepard frowned. "No, I mean--you need to release that stress. You break and it's the same damn thing."

"I've got it under control," Kaidan said, the phrase not unlike a mantra. He looked at Shepard a moment, seeming on the verge of saying more, but then just grimaced and started walking.

Shepard caught hold of his arm. "You're a bad liar, white knight."

Kaidan stopped. "Then I'll take care of it. Let me go." His eyes fixed on the building opposite the alley. Another lie, probably.

Instead of releasing Alenko, Shepard yanked him around, taking hold of that gleaming blue armor with both hands and bodily throwing him to the side, straight at a wall. He followed with a brutal kick to his back, shoving him against the unforgiving surface.

Kaidan hit the wall with a grunt, hands flying up to catch himself before he was kicked into it again. His head snapped forward, breath leaving him a moment before he swung an arm around behind him in a reactive mnemonic intended to throw off his attacker.

Shepard took the biotic hit and was thrown back against the opposite wall. Then he laughed. "Yeaaaah! You've been waiting for this a long time. Come on, Alenko!" He stepped forward again, ignoring weapons and lifting his fists.

Kaidan spun around, catching his breath as blue coronas flared around his hands and up his arms. "You don't want to do this, Shepard," he said, voice strained as he struggled to tamp back down on the escaping energy.

"You do." And Shepard danced in to take another swing.

Kaidan ducked out of the way, raising an arm to block the strike and shoving Shepard away again. "Shepard, trust me," he tried again, a muscle twitching in his temple from the exertion of trying and failing to regain control. A note of trepidation caught his voice. "You're going to--you're going to get hurt--"

"So hurt me, Alenko. If you have the stones." He grinned and came at him again.

Kaidan's teeth clenched and he ducked away again, this time catching Shepard before he got close and almost jerkily throwing him back. "Damnit, Shepard. You don't get it--" He curled his hands into tight fists, pulling the field away sharply before it had a chance to do any actual damage; pulling his biotics closer against his skin.

"No, you don't get it! What are you scared of? This is what you've been waiting for, isn’t it!” Again, Shepard swung for him. “Three years, Alenko. Show me what you're made of!"

Kaidan lunged for him, trying to tackle him to the ground. "I could _kill_ you, damnit!" he grit out, hands shaking. "I lose control and _I could kill you_!"

"I'd like to see you try! You know you've dreamed about it!"

They hit the ground hard, but then Kaidan's biotics flared again and he abruptly let go, scrambling back. "You don't get it," he said again, breath coming quick and shallow. One of his hands flew to the back of his neck, over his implant port. "I'm an L2, Shepard. I'm _dangerous_. Weren't you just--Didn't you just say we couldn't pull this off alone?"

Shepard lay on the ground, trying to catch his breath, which had been forced from his lungs on impact. His eyes rolled up to Kaidan, reassessing him.

"Relax," he croaked, heaving himself up, then offering a hand to Kaidan.

Kaidan stayed exactly where he was, taking several successive deep breaths. The flaring light of his biotics slowly started to die down, only spiking again briefly when he saw Shepard reach over. Still breathing very deliberately, he stared first at the offered hand, then the mercenary's face. Cautious. "Just let me take my amp out first, at least. I don't--” He swallowed. “I don't want to snap your neck."

Shepard blinked, and dropped his hand, his entire posture shifting to something closer to an actual defensive stance. "You're serious. You were serious about all that killing me shit."

Kaidan swallowed and nodded slowly, still remaining where he was. "I _can't_ lose control like that. Not with my biotics running hot already."

"...I'm sorry," Shepard said gruffly, frowning and looking away.

"You didn't know," Kaidan said, closing his eyes. Gradually his breathing steadied again, the last of his biotics flickering out. "I know I need to destress. I just--" He grimaced. On the list of things he wasn't quite ready to share with Shepard of all people...

"I just haven't been able to," he finished instead.

Shepard still wasn't looking at him. "You ought to make it a priority, before the chance is lost. Go fire off a couple hundred rounds, get drunk, get laid. Do what you need to. This shit isn't gonna work going into war. I'll find your kids." And then he turned to leave the alley.

Kaidan grimaced and sighed heavily, hesitating a moment before calling out. "Shepard, wait." He pushed himself to his feet and took a step after him, indecision warring across his face.

Shepard paused, turning his head just enough to catch Kaidan in his peripheries.

"Look, I--" Kaidan stopped, glanced away for a moment before trying again. "Thank you. For coming after me. You...didn't have to do that."

Not that it wasn't necessary, but that it was yet another choice Shepard hadn't have to make. But had anyway.

Shepard nodded, just once. "Yeah, I did. It's what I do. You're Crew."

\--

For probably longer than he should have, Kaidan stood there, staring after the spot where Shepard had stood. When he finally made it back to the Normandy, passing through the CIC without a look and heading straight down to the cargo bay, the disconcerted expression still hadn't left his face.

Searching the bay for their resident turian sniper, he took a deep breath and said, "Garrus, I need your help."

Garrus turned from his work, mildly surprised. "Sure thing. What do you need?"

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling altogether too self-conscious.  "Is there a practice range or...something around here? I need to, um. Blow off some steam."

Garrus tilted his head for just a moment, as though caught off guard by the request, or perhaps just surprised by the admission. "Oh, yeah, sure. I can take you to a good one. I wanted to test out my new scope anyway--that is, if you don't mind the company?"

Kaidan shook his head quickly. "No, I would, um. Appreciate it, actually. Thank you."

Garrus gave a toothy, turian approximation of a grin. "Great, just let me give Tali the heads up. Oh, and I need to let Shepard know you're back. He went looking for you."

The walls of the cargo suddenly took on an entirely new dimension of interest. "I found him already," Kaidan muttered. "Or he found me. Don't worry about it."

"Gotcha. Well, I'm gonna find Tali, and I'll meet you at the airlock."

\--

Before long they went out again, Kaidan particularly withdrawn and lost in his thoughts as they walked. His eyes still scanned the streets around them, but the alert watchfulness was more an unconscious behaviour than a deliberate action.

"So. You're back, but Shepard isn't. I take it he's still looking for Seila and Gage?" Garrus asked conversationally, as he led the way through the streets of Omega.

"...yeah," Kaidan said with a distracted glance over at Garrus. "He, um. Said he'd go find them."

"He will," Garrus assured him.

"I know," came the uncertain murmur as the Spectre looked back over at the street. "They're crew."

Garrus looked at him. "So are you," he said quietly.

"That's..." Kaidan hesitated. "That's what he said."

Garrus nodded. "Yup. Here we are." He turned into a doorway, and approached the counter, handing over a chit.

Kaidan followed in silence, as the asari at the counter took the chit and swiped it through. Handing it back, she glanced at Kaidan before telling Garrus they could go ahead.

Past the counter and down the hall was the firing range proper, spacious and currently empty. Garrus snapped his rifle open and stepped over to the first stall, adjusting the target to its most distant position. “Well, then. Let’s see how she does.”

Kaidan slid his own rifle off his shoulder and stepped into a stall one down from Garrus. A few minutes later, a steady stream of gunfire starting obliterating the target at the other end of the range.

Garrus chuckled softly, and began putting precise holes into his own target.

\--

Several dozen clips and more than a few targets later, the gunfire finally ceased and Kaidan slumped forward against the counter in front of him, breathing slowly in and out.

Garrus brought his own target up so he could take it down to keep, then he stepped back and peered in at Kaidan. "Feel better?"

"I think so," Kaidan said into his arms, posture looser than it had been in weeks. He let out a heavy sigh and picked himself, methodically checking over his gun before he put it away. "I probably should have done this a while ago, but..." He trailed off and shrugged.

"Hey, I'm always up for a trip to the range, so anytime you feel the need, just let me know." Garrus said.

"Thanks," Kaidan said. He stepped out of the stall, brow furrowing as he looked at Garrus. "I'm not usually this...um. It doesn't usually get this bad."

"It's been kind of a wild ride for you," Garrus said. "I don't know if my opinion means much to you but, I think you're doing pretty okay, all things considered."

“No mental breakdowns is always a good sign," Kaidan murmured with a sardonic twist of his lips. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm glad you at least seem to think so, at least."

Garrus reached out and gave his shoulder a friendly pat. "Ready to head back?"

"Not really. But we should." Kaidan rolled a shoulder, checking to make sure his rifle was secure. He gave the turian another glance. "Garrus...why do you follow Shepard?"

Garrus looked at him for a moment, and then out over the firing range. "As a Spectre and an Alliance officer, Shepard must seem like a real piece of work to you. You two have had your run-ins. I mean, have you _ever_. Some of them are infamous enough that strangers know about your little rivalry. But to the rest of us--those of us on the Normandy, at least--he's a leader. A warrior, a friend...I don't know if you knew this, but I used to be C-Sec."

Kaidan blinked. "You were a C-Sec officer? On the Citadel? What happened?" The question came out hesitantly, unsure if it was too touchy a subject or not.

"I got fed up with the regulations. Bureaucracy locked me up tighter than most of the criminals I caught. The red tape became outrageous." Garrus shook his head. "Anyway, I had a case. Some sicko working a black market organ trade. It happens, from time to time, especially on a station the size of the Citadel. But this one was different. More gruesome than most. And my superior told me I couldn’t touch the guy.

“Somewhere around this time, I met Shepard, and he was willing to give me a hand with what C-Sec refused to let me do. Vigilantism is rather frowned upon, as I'm sure you well know, but not a day goes by that I don't believe I did the right thing. That bastard saw justice, and Shepard helped me with that. The man cares about people, see. He cares about the greater good, without getting tangled in the politics of whose pockets are getting lined to look the other way."

"He stole the Normandy out of dry-dock," Kaidan observed dryly, but Garrus's words brought a troubled frown to his face as he thought through the implications. "Shepard's far from innocent himself, you have to know. But you still trust him. To do the right thing when it counts. To not abandon his crew."

"Hey, I never said the man was a saint!" Garrus laughed. "But to answer your question: yes, I do trust him to do the right thing when it counts, and to not abandon us. And I don't believe he'll sell out the Alliance to the Terminus Fleet, either."

"He's got more than enough reason to hang us after Cerberus is dealt with," Kaidan murmured, unspoken worries finally surfacing. "He needs us for now. Afterwards, though--what's to stop him from deciding we've served our use? Toss us to the varren before we can pose a threat again?"

Garrus looked at him. "His word? Decency? The lives of trillions?"

"I've seen how Shepard deals with his enemies," Kaidan said grimly. "I've been fighting him for years now."

"And now you're his ally," Garrus pointed out.

"Because he needs me to deal with the Alliance." Sooner or later, that would change.

"Oh, my mistake. You've been fighting him for years. I've only been his friend that whole time."

Kaidan grimaced, shoving a hand through his hair as he looked away, eyes downcast. "He hates me, Garrus. Maybe not as much as Cerberus, but you saw how he acted when you guys first found me. Now suddenly I'm supposed to believe he considers me part of the crew just because he actually needs me for something?"

Garrus led them out of the firing range, waiting until they were on their way back toward the Normandy before asking, "Do you hate him?"

"....not exactly," Kaidan said slowly. He matched his pace to walk alongside Garrus. "It's complicated. He's a criminal--it's my job to catch him. Stop him."

"I'm a criminal, too. And technically...so are you."

"...its..." Kaidan faltered. "That's different. The circumstances..."

"Do you even know the circumstances surrounding the Normandy?"

"I've memorized the case file.” Other rumors had passed through the Trafalgar over the years, but it had been almost impossible to know what was credible and what wasn't where Miles Shepard was concerned.

"The Alliance report on the factual evidence of the theft, sure. But do you know the _circumstances_? That's what counts with you, right?"

Kaidan looked away. "No," he muttered reluctantly. "I don't. I've never been able to find out."

"Shepard ever tell you why he hates Cerberus so much?" Garrus asked, eyeing him sideways.

"Somehow it hasn't come up," Kaidan said dryly. Usually they were too busy shooting at each other for discussing backstories.

Had been.

Garrus hummed. "It's really the sort of thing he should tell you himself. But at this rate, you two will never get that far."

"You think I'm wrong. About him."

"Did you know that Cerberus performs experiments on humans? Live subjects?" Garrus said instead. "Did you know they kidnap most of them?"

"Yeah," Kaidan said quietly. "I've seen those case files, too. Some of them. What does that have to do with...." He trailed off, looking sharply over at Garrus. "Shepard?"

"He, uh. Was married. Briefly."

The rest was a little too easy to fill in. "That's why he hates Cerberus."

"Yes," Garrus sighed. "But there's more to this." He looked at Kaidan. "Everyone knew what the Normandy was: the height of Alliance and Council technology, a ship far greater than any other in the fleet. It was about to take its inaugural flight. Shepard's wife had been taken by Cerberus, and he intended to get her back. So he took the Normandy, the fastest and stealthiest ship in the galaxy."

"It wasn't enough."

"It wasn't," Garrus agreed. "He hasn't found her yet, and I very much doubt he ever will."

"Circumstances, huh?" Kaidan murmured. He shook his head. "That still doesn't change that the Normandy belongs to the Alliance, though. And he's taken on a lot of other jobs since then."

Even circumstances couldn’t change the facts: Shepard was a criminal.

_Technically...so are you._

"At this point, I think it's probably a good thing the Normandy is in Shepard's care,” Garrus said as they turned a corner to the docks. “Otherwise Cerberus would have it, too."

Kaidan fell silent, then. Some things still weren’t the risk to consider too much, if he wanted to keep himself together. "He's taken good care of it," he said at last. "And it’s clear he cares about his crew. I just don't understand _why..._ "

The Normandy hung in its dock ahead of them, and Kaidan stopped a moment, puzzling over it. "If his crew means so much to him, why would he go and make _me_ part of it? I thought he must not have really meant it, but that's...not something he would do. He actually meant it."

"He saw you for what you are, instead of what he wanted you to be," Garrus said with a shrug. As they approached the connection tube, he added, "Do me a favor and don't tell him I told you any of this."

"I won't," Kaidan assured him, though he looked even more pensive now than he had before. The ever present, boiling over tension was gone at least, which was an improvement in itself. “...thanks, Garrus."

The turian nodded and smiled. "Any time, Kaidan." With that, he turned and led the way back onto the ship.

\--

Shepard was in the CIC, focused on entering something into his personal console.

Kaidan entered behind Garrus and, spotting Shepard up ahead, automatically stopped to scan the CIC for Gage instead of ducking down to the lower deck before the mercenary captain could spot him. The young ensign was seated in a workstation about halfway down the CIC, intent on processing what looked like a list of ship registrations.

Kaidan exhaled a breath of relief. He didn't see Seila, but given Gage’s relative state of ease it was likely she was back and well. One more burden off his mind. As for the rest..he glanced back at Shepard and felt his stomach twist.

Other issues were considerably less settled.

Shepard glanced up as Garrus passed with a wave. Then his eyes found Kaidan, seeming to scrutinize him for a moment. Then he nodded approvingly.

Almost hesitantly, Kaidan returned the nod, then glanced in question towards the stairs to the lower levels. Anything need doing?

Shepard gave him a half shrug and a nod, along with the briefest curve of a smile. Do what you like.

Kaidan blinked--surprised, still, by any gestures of leniency on the captain’s part--before nodding again in silent thanks. Shepard returned his attention to the console, but the Spectre watched him for a moment longer, a glimmer of something like understanding in his eyes.

It wasn’t until he had gone to take off his armor and was closing his locker that Kaidan thought to wonder about just when he had started deferring to Shepard without thinking.


	8. Zero Hour

As Shepard's base of operations, the Normandy CIC was bustling with activity since the Terminus Fleet had mobilized. And since he was the defacto fleet Admiral--a fact which both amused and bewildered him to no end--communication streams were pouring in at all times. He was in and out of the comm room all the time, and if he wasn’t, he knew who was. 

Right now, he knew Alenko was connecting with Anderson and the Alliance resistance. Which was good, as he could use a touch of direction. Not that he'd admit that to anyone. 

As it happened, when Kaidan left the comm room following his talk with Anderson he did have new directions for them--however when the Spectre crossed over to stand next to Shepard it was with a grim, almost cautious manner that hadn't been seen in his bearing since the day Seila and Gage went missing on Omega. 

"New heading for us," he told the Normandy's captain. 

Shepard nodded, eyes on his console. Yet another report in a stack of of endless reports. "Yeah?"

Kaidan pulled up his omni-tool and tight beamed the coordinates of their target to Shepard's console. "Anderson needs us to keep these ships busy while the resistance retakes their base in the system," he said. 

He brought it up, and scanned the data. "That won't be a problem." He glanced sideways at Kaidan. "So what's the bad news?"

"Let's talk in the comm room," was all Kaidan said, jerking his head in that direction.

Shepard frowned a bit. "That bad, huh?" He quipped. "Let me get assignments for those skirmishes, alright?" He worked for a few minutes, flipping through screens, issuing orders. "Alright. Let's go." He stepped away from his console, glancing at Kaidan's face anew. "Uh oh..."

"Comm room," the Spectre repeated, not looking at Shepard as they made their way back over there. Kaidan entered the room first and headed for the console, syncing it with his omni-tool to pull up the data packet Anderson had sent. 

Shepard frowned as he watched him. "Shit, Alenko, don't tell me the rebel fleet took a big hit. We really can't afford that."

"Not the fleet," Kaidan said, inputting a few security settings into the console--privacy locks on the comm room surveillance only the ship's captain had the authorization to override--before opening the data packet and stepping aside. He looked at Shepard guardedly and nodded at the screen. "You."

Shepard frowned in confusion as he stepped forward to scan through the data. He was silent, did not move, yet there was a sudden, palpable shift in the atmosphere of the room; a charge in the air, like lightning about to strike. Shepard's knuckles cracked audibly as his hands curled into trembling fists. 

_ [...development has surfaced regarding the  _ SSV Normandy SR-1 _ which Major Alenko had been tasked with recovering…] _

Kaidan stood still next to him, eyes tracking the captain’s progress through the data by Shepard's face. 

_ [...strong reason to suspect that Miles Shepard has been in  _ _frequent contact_ _ with Cerberus...] _

"They must have made the connection between the circumstances of my survival and your actions on Omega," he said quietly.

_ [...recommend using extreme caution when dealing with this  _ _potential terrorist_ _ …] _

"Any evidence from you in our favor...the Council won't accept it."

"This..." Shepard began, stopping as his voice cracked with emotion that didn't need to be named. His throat worked. "This is bullshit," he rasped.

"I know." Too well, even if Kaidan didn't have the personal vendetta against Cerberus that Shepard did. "But it's already been put into motion." 

"This is...BULLSHIT!!!!" Shepard bellowed, fists lashing out at the comm console.

Kaidan's hands snapped up, throwing a barrier around the console before Shepard could smash it. "It's Cerberus," he said tightly. "They don't pull punches."

He rounded on Kaidan, eyes wild, fists coming his way, but Shepard managed to restrain himself. "You don't think I don't know that?!" He demanded. " _ Fuck _ !!" He spun away again, laying hands on one of the chairs that remained bolted to the floor for only a few moments more before he tore it up in a squeal of protesting metal and hurled it across the room.

"Shepard!" Kaidan snapped, dropping the barrier around the console to catch the hurtling chair. He lowered it to the ground and narrowed his eyes. "I get it. But tearing up your ship's not gonna change anything.

Shepard bellowed wordlessly twice more, then stood taking in lungfuls of air, working to rein himself in. 

Kaidan released his biotics, though his hands were still tensed for another mnemonic at his sides. "I get it," he said again, leveling a look Shepard's way. "You gonna be okay? Or should we have taken this down to the cargo bay instead?"

"Shut the fuck up..."

Kaidan acquiesced, holding his stance for a few moments longer as he watched Shepard carefully. 

Shepard lifted a hand, rubbing at his face. "Biggest fuckin' mistake of their lives..." He muttered. "I will  _ end _ them. Every last one."

"They'll pay soon enough.” If maybe not in the way Shepard had in mind. "But we have to focus first."

"How bad is this, exactly? Tell me Anderson isn't swallowing this shit."

"We'd planned on using what was retrieved from the Trafalgar to support our case to the Council. With this new ‘evidence’ throwing your allegiances into doubt...He can't use it anything with your name attached any more than I can talk to the Council on our behalf.

"He's doing what he can to make a case without it, but..." Kaidan grimaced. "Udina is already speaking out against us."

"Wait, the Earth Councilor?" Shepard spun, fastening bloodshot eyes on Kaidan's face. "He's obviously compromised."

"Probably." Kaidan ground his teeth. "But we can't touch him, not without proof. And everything we've managed to get thus far just got thrown out. Anderson said he's got another team trying to dig up something else but...Cerberus is out outmaneuvering us step by step."

"Fine," Shepard snapped. He turned away, hands flexing like he was thinking of tearing up another chair. "Fine! Then we figure out who's at the top and fuckin' burn them all down."

"The top--" Kaidan frowned, following Shepard with his eyes as he leaned against the console. "Of what? Cerberus? We can't go haring off when Anderson is counting on is to back them up."

Shepard turned his head just enough to catch Kaidan in the corner of his eye. "I'm not going to lose this war, Alenko," he swore.

"Then we can't afford to get distracted," Kaidan told him firmly. "The mission is all that matters now. Everything else is secondary." 

He stressed those last words, the same thing Shepard had said--that he had repeated--when Kaidan first was struck out himself.

Shepard hung his head. "Of course. I know that..." A moment later, he added, "Someone in Cerberus knows exactly where to apply the pressure, and that scares the shit out of me. But it also pisses me the fuck off. They aren't getting away with any of this."

"They won't. But they have to have spies in our fleet," Kaidan reasoned in a murmur. "And probably in Anderson's, too. They know exactly who they're dealing with. We've been reacting since this started. How do we counter that?"

Shepard ground his teeth. "Kill them..."

Kaidan glanced over at him, frowning. "We can't take on all of Cerberus alone, Shepard. Not when they have the upper hand already."

"What the fuck are we gonna do, Alenko? We're constantly losing ground...This looks really bad, and I'm not--I'm not going to just roll over for those bastards."

"We don't even know where to find them even if we could take the fight to them," Kaidan grimaced. "Anderson still has a plan. Taking back our bases, finding a way to win over Council support. Retaking Arcturus. They still need our help."

"I'm still onboard with the plan,” Shepard ground out.

"But?"

"No buts," he said. "Working with Anderson is still our best and only shot."

Kaidan looked at the floor silently for several moments, then nodded to him with renewed determination. "Alright. Let's do it, then. Cerberus is going down." 

"I feel the need to kill something..."

Kaidan paused and glanced at the wrecked chair laying on its side by the door. "...something other than the ship, I hope?"

Shepard looked at him, and flashed an unpleasant smile. "Oh yeah..."

The Spectre paused and eyed him uncertainly. "Shepard..?"

"Relax, Alenko. Only Cerberus. Only Cerberus..."

"I'd relax a whole lot more easily if I knew what was going on in your head right now."

Shepard gave him a solid clap on the shoulder, and walked out into the CIC, pausing as he realized all eyes were on him. 

"Get to work!" he barked.

Everyone leapt into action.

\--

Four and a half months after the evidence against Shepard was released, the resistance and their allies confronted the Cerberus-Alliance Fleet in a decisive battle over Eden Prime. 

It was an unmitigable disaster. 

Fully half the Rebel Alliance Fleet, rent asunder in a single attack. The comm lines exploded, the entire Terminus Fleet in a sudden panic, clamoring for orders when they weren't threatening to abandon the battle entirely. And Shepard could scarcely breathe. 

Aria's voice spoke into his ear, the two of them communicating by private comm rather than channels like the other ships. Expedience and privacy.  _ "We need to fold, Shepard. We need to sound the retreat right now. Nothing we have can stand up to that weapon." _

_ That weapon _ fired again, hidden and protected behind the enemy lines. Pandemonium. Alliance and Terminus ships alike disintegrated under its focus. 

_ "Shepard. This is a  _ lost cause _. We leave now, we can work on a counter for that thing. Staying here only ensures our death." _

"Wrex," Shepard ground out. 

"Shepard." The krogan had been on deck; most of them had been, to see how this played out.

"Escort Spectre Alenko to the cargo bay." He couldn't have that argument, here and now. Wouldn't.

Wrex blinked, then slowly shifted to look at Kaidan.

The Spectre himself, not privy to the private channel between Aria and Shepard but standing close at hand to help liaise maneuvers with the Alliance resistance fleet, froze with his hands hovering over the console he had been using to follow the fight. 

"Shepard...." On the display, another five ships were obliterated in an instant as the weapon fired again. Kaidan looked between the console and the Normandy's captain as first fear and then frantic anger flashed in his eyes. "Shepard, don't do this!”

"Wrex,  _ now _ ." Shepard’s voice held firm. Good. He needed to keep a tight grip, here. 

Wrex closed a hand on Kaidan's shoulder, drawing him back from the console. "No need to make this ugly, Spectre," he rumbled. 

"Shepard!" Kaidan hissed, trying to throw off Wrex's hand to get to the command tier where Shepard stood. Flickers of biotic energy crackled across his skin as his fists clenched. "Damnit, don't do this--you can't just--" 

The krogan's own biotics snapped a stasis lock around Kaidan, and he hefted him off the ground. "Don't fight it, Spectre. I like you well enough, but I will knock you around if I have to." Wrex growled.

“Shepard!!”

Blue energy pulsed furiously beneath the stasis field, held barely in check by the first-and-only human Spectre. His eyes blazed, desperation lending an edge to his voice. 

Shepard met Kaidan's eyes, then lifted a hand to his comm. "Terminus Fleet, this is Shepard. Full retreat."

Over the fleet-wide channel, another voice echoed him: "Terminus Fleet, this is Aria. Do it." The rag-tag fleet jumped to FTL almost immediately. 

As Wrex pulled him away, Kaidan's biotics flared wildly in attempt to break out of the stasis, his eyes locked on the display in front of Shepard in utter horror. Failing that initial attempt, however, he abruptly locked down the surging energy and let the krogan take him down to the cargo bay. 

"Let's go, Joker," Shepard said and the Normandy jumped.

\--

Shepard stood at the command station as every remaining ship in the fleet hit the relay, then watched as the fragments of the Rebel Alliance passed through and out of the system as well. Then, and only then, he gave the order for Joker to follow the rest heading for Omega. 

After that, he went down to the crew deck to retrieve something, and finally down to Cargo.

Enough time had passed below and it seemed that the Spectre had managed to calm himself, so Wrex had released him from any biotic bindings, content to watch him from across the room.

Kaidan had sunk to the floor next to the Mako where he had ended up after stumbling away from Wrex. He sat there motionless now but for the trembling of his fists, staring blankly at some point on the deck plating in front of him. 

When Shepard stepped into the cargo bay, he jerked his chin at Wrex, who got the message and headed for the lift. The captain crossed over to where Alenko sat, standing beside him for a thoughtful moment, before dropping beside him, legs stretched out. He had a bottle with him.

Shepard twisted the top off, the plastic seal popping as it released. He tipped it back and took a couple gulps, then handed it over to Kaidan. Jack Daniels.

Kaidan stiffened, but stayed where he was, a clenching of his jaw the only other indication he had noticed anything until the bottle entered his periphery. His eyes slid sideways to stare at Shepard with a still simmering, pained anger, before he uncurled a fist to accept the bottle. 

The Spectre downed several gulps before handing it back, at which point he squeezed his eyes shut and knocked his head back against the Mako's wheel.

When he spoke, it was one word: "Why?"

Shepard took another few swallows of the bourbon before answering. "If we had stayed, backed up Anderson, the entire resistance would be over. Wiped out in a single battle." His voice was raw.

"How many Alliance ships survived?" Kaidan asked quietly, not opening his eyes. "Do you know?" 

"Thirty-four. Anderson sent them to me. They're with us now, heading to the Terminus. I...spoke with him."

Kaidan's breathing hitched and his eyes snapped open. "He sent our ships with you?"

"I told you, what I did was to preserve the resistance. Anderson understood that, and ordered them to retreat with us. I watched all thirty-four leave the system before the Normandy hit the relay." Shepard took another pull from the bottle and offered it back again. 

Kaidan reached for the bottle, looking at it for a long moment before taking a drink and returning it. "And the Terminus Fleet?"

"We lost twenty-five ships."

"...I see.” Kaidan paused and gave a soft, bitter laugh.. “And what happens now? Thirty-four Alliance ships in the Terminus. Ex-Alliance ships."

"We're going to work out a counter to that weapon of theirs, for one. Probably reevaluate our plan of attack. Smaller targets. Hit stations and planets, instead of the armada..." Shepard stared at the bottle in his hands. "This isn't the end. It can't be."

"None of the Terminus signed up for a war of attrition," Kaidan said, shaking his head. "You think you can keep them together? After this?"

"Fuck..." Shepard hissed. "I'm no leader. No hero. What the fuck do I know about keeping a fleet together?" His hand trembled on the half empty bottle. 

Kaidan watched Shepard a moment sidelong before reaching over to grab the bottle, steadying it. "I think your crew might have a few objections to that first one," he said. 

"Fuck what you think," the captain muttered, and tugged the bottle out of Kaidan's grip, tipping it up and chugging.

Kaidan sat back with a soft snort, crossing his arms. "That is the moral of the story, isn't it?" he quipped under his breath.

"The moral," Shepard slurred, lowering the bottle, "is that nothing we do matters. Because pure evil like Cerberus exists, and will take  _ everything _ from you..."

"So you just go hide on the far side of the Galaxy until they stop looking for you?" Logically, he knew retreating was the best course of action. But Kaidan didn't feel particularly inclined toward logic at the moment.

"What do you want? You want me to turn us around, drive the Normandy up their asses? Kill us all? Is that what you want?"

Kaidan gritted his teeth. "It's too late for anything like that now."

"Nah, I'll just have Joker turn this boat around. Alenko wants to have a word with Cerberus. Who cares about living?"

"Give it a rest, Shepard," Kaidan hissed at him, glowering at the opposite wall of the cargo bay rather than actually look at the man next to him. "I get why you did it, okay? I sure as hell don't like it. But I get it."

"You--you think I like it?! You think I wanted to run the fuck away?! I want nothing more than to go down swinging against those bastards! But we need to look at the big fuckin' picture here! We can throw ourselves against an unstoppable force, or we can plan a way in the backdoor. Fuckin' think about it..."

"I know," Kaidan muttered, letting out a quiet growl of frustration. "We've got nothing to gain if we let them take us out to the last. Anderson wouldn't have sent those ships with you if there was another option. But..." 

Shepard seemed both surprised and disappointed when Kaidan backed down. "But what?" He demanded.

"But nothing," Kaidan ground out. His shoved himself up from the ground, shoulders tense as he paced away from the Mako. "It's over and done with. That's not going to change."

Shepard lurched to his feet, swaying dangerously. "The fuck it is! We're getting this out right now! I'm not dealing with it down the road. We gotta focus on Cerberus, and I can't do that with my--with you... working against me." He took a few unsteady steps. "This gets sorted, now."

"With your what?" Kaidan snapped, turning to face him with narrowed eyes. "How am I going to work against you, Shepard? The Alliance resistance is shattered. And I'm damned well not going to Cerberus. I already told you: I get it. There's nothing to sort out."

"...my Second." Shepard stared at him. "Fight me, Alenko."

Kaidan stilled, staring at him. "....what?" He wasn't sure which part of Shepard's statement he was asking about more.

Shepard waved a hand, swaying unsteadily. "Take out your amp, and fucking kick my ass."

"I really don't think now's a good time to do that, Shepard..." Kaidan started to say, though his hands flexed at his sides.

Shepard scoffed. Shrugged bodily, made as if to turn away, then took a wild swing at Kaidan. 

Kaidan snapped an arm up to catch the swing, pushing Shepard a few feet back and scowling at him. "Do you want me to take my amp out or not?"

He stumbled back, then lifted his hands beckoning the Spectre. "Do it. Come on, let's go!"

Shooting a long look between Shepard and the elevator--any moment, someone was bound to check the cargo bay security cameras--Kaidan grimaced and reached back to his port to unplug his amp. The device made a faint click-pop when it came out, and he traded it for the blank in the case on his belt, making sure to secure the amp away safely before returning his full attention to Shepard. 

He eyed the mercenary captain with a heavy sigh as he stretched his shoulders out and reluctantly dropped into a ready stance. "Fine. You want to fight? Let's fight."

Shepard grinned, and danced forward, far more adroit than his drunken staggering let on. He swung for Kaidan's jaw, but, anticipating a block, struck out with his left right after. 

Kaidan went to block Shepard's first strike, but caught the second with his jaw and staggered back, almost throwing a hand out to push Shepard away biotically before he stopped himself. He'd fought without his amp in before, but it had been some time ago and the sudden shift in his perceptions offset his balance more than a little. He recovered quickly, though, and ducked back in to take the offensive.

Shepard welcomed each of Kaidan's strikes, taking them almost eagerly. And doling out more in turn. 

Despite Shepard's initial statement about Kaidan kicking his ass, the Spectre held himself back a bit, holding his own and meeting Shepard blow for blow, but never quite going in seriously. As they kept at it, though, he started to push himself a little more, swinging a little harder as the anger and frustration he'd managed to squash earlier bubbled back up to the surface.

Shepard seemed to pick up on this, and before long, began to taunt him, to fight dirty, hoping to stoke Alenko's anger. Like he was actually hoping to get the Spectre to unleash hell on him. 

Kaidan managed to keep himself in check to some extent--he had too much practice in that to lose it completely--but Shepard's taunts hit home visibly. The dirty fighting he just rolled with, but the mercenary knew him too well by now to not know which buttons to press, and before long he was fighting in earnest. 

Pent up anxiety and guilt found an outlet sooner than later. Before long, Shepard, who relished every punch, was battered, bruised, bleeding, and hurting. 

Just like he wanted.  

"Tha' feel good?" The captain slurred around split and swollen lips, staggering, cradling his ribs.

Kaidan pulled his fist back--and stopped, breathing heavily. He had his own share of knocks, cuts, and bruises, and he dropped his hand to wipe some blood from his lip. "You're an idiot," he managed between breaths, the surge of adrenaline that had been carrying him finally starting to die down.

"Yeh..." He turned around, seeking the bottle of bourbon. And nearly fell on his face. He walked it off with a soft groan. "Ever wish you'er dead? Alenko?" He dropped to a knee to recover the bottle, and took a long, burning pull.

"...yeah," Kaidan said after a long moment. He reached for the nearest wall--the side of Garrus' calibrations console--and just dropped down against it. "Yeah, I have."

"Yeah..." There wasn't much left sloshing around in the bottle as Shepard crawled over to Alenko and settled beside him again, but he offered it none the less. "Thanks for kickin' my ass. I needed that."

Kaidan tilted his head over to give Shepard a pensive look, but he took the bottle anyways and drained the rest. "Never thought I'd see the day you'd  _ want  _ me to beat you in a fight," he mused. After a moment he glanced at Shepard and added, "Second? Really?"

"Yep." Shepard answered, leaning back on his hands. "Just makes sense."

"You didn't knock your head on the way down here, did you? It wasn't all that long ago I was still trying to arrest you. You do remember that, right?"

"Smart. Capable. Resourceful. Willing to lead when you have to, to challenge me when I need it, and you're the fuckin’ First Human Spectre."

"Yeah, see I would’ve thought that last one would be a more of a deal-breaker." Kaidan frowned, bewildered. "But you've actually thought about this?"

Shepard scoffed. "What do you think you were doing all this time, with the fleets and shit? Liaison... Pfft."

"I was trying not to think about it too much," Kaidan muttered. "I figured...I don't know. It's not like you had anyone else to do it."

"You aren't turning me down, are you?" Shepard eyed him sideways.

"I didn't say that," Kaidan said quickly, shaking his head. "It's just a long way from, well..." He trailed off, casting a lingering look at the airlock door, the looming shape of the Mako.

"I wasn't gonna throw you back out there."

"I know that, now," Kaidan murmured. "Before, though--I wasn't so sure. If things had gone differently..."

Shepard smirked. "You thought I was a real bad guy, huh? A villain."

"You're a mercenary. You stole the Normandy. And I had a lot of first-hand experience that didn't exactly tell me otherwise." Two years worth of run-ins that hadn't always ended well for either of them.

"You still think I'm the bad guy?" Shepard wondered aloud. "You still wanna capture me, take me in? I mean, you know. If you hadn't been kicked out of the fake-Alliance. Guess it's as real as the Alliance gets, these days, though..."

"I should," Kaidan said. He fiddled with the empty bottle. "I don't know. Things have gotten...complicated. None of my old frames of reference really apply here anymore."

"I'll tell you what." Shepard said, shifting to look at him. "You help me take down Cerberus, and--hell. I'll surrender to you. Your judgement, or whatever."

Kaidan's head snapped up and he stared at Shepard outright. "What? Why would you do that?"

"Because that's really all I want anymore. Nothing else matters."

"I'm going to help you take them down regardless. You do know that, right?"

"I do, now. But for all I knew, when we got to Omega, you'd collect your Alliance remnant and fuck right off. Leave me to deal with it on my own."

"You'd have let me do that?" Kaidan said, raising an eyebrow. "Assuming I would have done it at all."

"Yeah. I would’ve. Those ships are yours. The thirty-four. They're yours."

"They'd never listen to me now."

"Why not? I figured they'd rather have you than me."

"You're probably not wrong,” Kaidan muttered with a soft snort. “But I can't be the highest ranking officer left, am I? I'm not even a real Captain--I'm a marine. The only reason I had the Trafalgar was because I was a Spectre."

Shepard squinted at him. "You're fucking kidding me."

"....you didn't know that?" Kaidan blinked slowly.

"Are you...? What the hell are you? Like some kind of patron saint of boy scouts? Come on, man..."

That got a scowl, until Kaidan realized what Shepard was actually getting at. "Look, I'll meet with the other officers once we get to Omega and we'll sort out the details then. Find out what's left of the chain of command. If I'm going to be acting as your Second, it might not be a good idea for me to be in charge of the Alliance ships anyway."

"Right. Because a criminal with zero military experience is so much better..."

"I was thinking of having one of the captains with the most seniority take lead, actually," Kaidan interjected dryly.

"Wait, what am I saying? Of course it is. Fine. You lost your shot. I'm shuffling them into the Terminus Fleet, if it still exists after this."

"Shepard..." Kaidan frowned at him. "You're not going to be able to just assimilate them like that. They're  _ Alliance  _ ships. It's not like it was with me. This isn't the same as bringing Seila and Gage on board the Normandy."

" _ Fiiiiiiine _ ," Shepard sighed. "I mean, if they're anywhere near as rule-crazy as you, I'll be glad to pass them off onto your twitchy hands."

"There's a reason you had me liaising with the Alliance instead of dealing with them directly," Kaidan pointed out, relaxing slightly with that point of contention out of the way. "No reason to change that now. If there's any hope of reclaiming the Alliance military from Cerberus, we're going to have to keep the Alliance resistance  _ Alliance _ ."

How that was going to work with all of them exiled to the Terminus, he hadn't quite figured out yet. He wasn't sure he was going to like the solution when he did.

"Yeah, alright. Alright. It's a pain in the ass that I don't want or need right now. Whatever you decide to do with them, just don't go letting them loose to the winds, okay? We still need them. We're gonna need everything we've got left... Shit." Shepard rubbed at his brow. "I need to talk to Aria. She's probably already thinking defensive."

"I'll keep you updated about what happens," Kaidan assured him quietly. Then he frowned a bit in thought. "Defensive might not be an entirely bad thing right now. Trying to take them on again as we are now...." He grimaced. "That's not going to work. We need to regroup."

"So long as we're not so busy hunkering down that we never strike back out again.” Shepard shook his head. “Never thought it'd end like this..."

"It's not over," Kaidan said, turning the empty bottle in his hands. "But, that said...we're going to have to be careful from now on. Even more careful. To make sure the lives lost today weren't in vain."

"Until we can find a counter for that beam weapon, we're going to have to make small strikes. We need intel on what's happening inside the Alliance. Strategic points to hit..." Shepard looked at Kaidan. "This ship was built for stealth recon missions. I say we take it in and make her work."

Kaidan was silent for a moment. "I'll start putting together a list of potential targets," he said. "Outposts and key bases in the Attican. We should start there."

Shepard grinned. "Attaboy."

The Spectre sighed, staring the bottle still clutched in his hand. "But if we're going to do this..." He looked at Shepard and held out the empty bottle pointedly. "I'm going to hold you to that promise. About when this is over."

Shepard snorted. "Fine. I swear, on whatever you want me to. We take down Cerberus, and I could spend the rest of my life in a cage and still die a happy man."

"I trust you," Kaidan said. Then hastily corrected himself. "That you'll keep your word, I mean. We should get cleaned up."

Shepard frowned, glanced away, and groaned again as he pushed to his feet. "Yep..."

Kaidan stood as well, using the top of the calibration console to leverage himself up. "Your crew...they're not going to have a problem with me as your Second, are they?"

"Tch... Idiot." Shepard limped away. "You've been my Second."

Kaidan paused, blinking as he processed that particular revelation. "...oh." He looked after the mercenary captain thoughtfully for several moments then before hurrying to catch up.

Shepard side-eyed him as they went for the lift. "I'm not military. Don't do things the military way. Probably why this battle tanked. --Well, that and the unstoppable doom-ray. What the fuck was that thing anyway?"

"I don't have a clue," Kaidan said honestly, furrowing his brow. "The kind of power needed to sustain something like that--that's definitely not Alliance tech, whatever it is."

"You left handed?" Shepard asked abruptly.

"Um...no, I'm not." Kaidan gave Shepard an odd look. "Why?"

"Huh. Yeah, I mean you lead with your right, but... You've got some strength behind that southpaw." Shepard rubbed at the right side of his jaw. "Think I've got a tooth loose."

"Having regrets about asking for a fight?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow, lips quirking. "You were the one who said...what was it? 'Take out your amp and kick my ass?"

"None whatsoever." Shepard rolled his shoulders. "It was a compliment."

"Oh, well in that case: thanks. I think. You're pretty good yourself."

"I know..."

Kaidan snorted quietly. "Humble, too."


End file.
